It feels a bit surreal to be writing this post on this extremely dark day in Mormondom, with the tragedy coming out of Michigan this morning. I was hoping President Nelson's death would have been the most noteworthy event of the day, but our gun-crazed nation has let us down once again.
This weekend was the fourth annual Restore Gathering, put on by Faith Matters. I have attended every year since it began in 2022. And since I help out with Wayfare magazine, I get free tickets, which is nice.
As I have done each year, I'm going to describe my experience at and thoughts about the conference. It was a good opportunity for me to reflect on how I can do better. But I often think I'm too hard on myself, so it was also good to think about the things I'm doing well already. Because there is a lot, and I took notes for some things but not for others, this is going to be a down-and-dirty post. There were a number of presenters who only gave brief presentations, so I won't discuss all of them.
On Friday, September 26, I headed down to UVU, and it was the first time Restore was held there. Of course, with it being UVU in the wake of Charlie Kirk, we had to go through security, which was fine. (I haven't said much about Charlie Kirk, because I don't have much to say that others haven't already said, and I was sick of hearing about it at first. I was angry that his shooting got so much more attention than the other equally horrific assassinations that have already happened this year.)
At the beginning of the conference, Arthur Brooks, a practicing Catholic, talked about loving our enemies. I think that's something everyone agrees with, and yet it's also extremely difficult to actually do. He defined contempt as anger combined with disgust, and he said that moral courage is standing up to people you agree with on behalf of those you disagree with. There is a lot of rhetoric about civility and tolerance, and he said those are low standards to hold yourself to. If a couple said they were civil to each other, we would think they needed marriage counseling. And we should love our enemies because it changes us.
Joseph Grenny is the head of the Other Side Village, whose mission is to rebuild the lives of people who are homeless/criminals/addicted. I think he's spoken each year, and he's always inspiring. He encouraged us to be intrusive—not coercive, not peeping, but intrusive—in other people's lives, because hiding and faking are "the twin toxins of an exalting community." We should be vulnerable in sharing our experiences and in asking how other people are doing. I could do more of this—but I also think I've gotten bolder in sharing personal things. For example, I was assigned to teach the Gospel Principles lesson about eternal marriage last month, so I talked about being gay during my lesson. At the end of his presentation, he had many residents of Other Side Village come onto the stage, people who have turned their lives around. I tend to be judgmental and angry about criminals, so it's always a good reminder to see people changing their lives.
Terryl Givens talked about symmetry in nature, and I think his message was that the message of Christianity actually goes against symmetry by prioritizing mercy? Something like that. He is a brilliant thinker who puts out so much content, so occasionally his messages won't resonate with me. (In November 2023, I spent a weekend proofing a book of his for Faith Matters.)
Then James Goldberg, a poet and historian who works for the Church History Department, spoke about imagination. Young children like to imagine things, like being a dinosaur, but we often dismiss imagination. But we need to embrace imagination, and scripture can be an imaginative experience. For example, D&C 19 says that "endless torment" means God's torment, not torment that is unending, which is an imaginative approach to scriptures.
Then we broke for lunch, and there were some breakout sessions. But I didn't attend any of the breakouts. Since I do copyediting for Wayfare, I took a shift at the table to answer questions people might have had. Someone from the Church History Department said hi to me by name, and I didn't know if she would recognize or remember me, so that was a pleasant surprise. Also, part of my job for Utah Historical Quarterly is to get copies of books to send to reviewers, and I had arranged with my contact at Signature Books to pick up a copy there. She saw me approaching and gave me the book. I took the day off of work to attend, but I was kind of working. I did think it was cool that I get to be involved in so many things.
Once my shift at the Wayfare table was over, I went back into the arena, and my friend Sean met me there for the afternoon session.
Steven Sharp Nelson, who is the cellist for the Piano Guys, showed a cello that a teenage girl had crocheted for him. Yes, it was a full-sized cello made of yarn (obviously unplayable). He talked about creativity, emphasizing that creativity isn't just artistic endeavors. You can do mundane tasks in creative ways, and I make my daily household chores kind of a game. I think of my blogging as a form of creativity. And if I understood him correctly (and I could easily have misunderstood him), he said we need to be creative in healthy ways, otherwise our brain will be malignantly creative, such as telling ourselves that people hate us. (I do that. I keep a running list of evidence that people don't like me or care about me, and evidence that people do like me or care about me. My evidence that people don't like me is substantial, but my evidence that people care about me is even more substantial.) Creativity is about expression, not perfection. It makes me wonder if I should spend time being creative with things I'm not good at.
Mallory Everton used to be part of Studio C, and so she talked about humor and its benefits. She said that when she worked on Studio C, the director of BYUtv explained that their comedy show was meant to be like the appetizing ice cream to draw people to the broccoli of the channel, i.e., the spiritual (boring) content. She said that made her really uncomfortable. She said that the humor is the broccoli—ice cream–flavored broccoli—because it is nutritious. She shared some funny anecdotes. Sometimes people tell me I'm funny, which can be surprising, since I'm not a standup comedian or anything.
And Mason Allred talked about ways to use our bodies. He discussed spending time in nature and the benefits that has for our bodies—in fact, many speakers mentioned that. I think I do a great job of spending time in nature. I'm actually very annoyed that I have so many things going on right now, because it's the best time of the year to be out on the trails, but I have to spend so much time inside.
Then I was done with the Friday sessions, and on Saturday I returned with my mom.
The first Saturday speaker was a woman named Ashly Stone, who hosts a podcast about returning to church. She told her story about being addicted to heroin and other substances for many years before turning her life around. Her story was interesting and inspiring, but I do get bored when podcasts or presentations are just story without much explanation of why it's significant.
Then Ali Essig spoke about the Word of Wisdom, specifically about eating meat sparingly and the health benefits of prioritizing plant-based foods. I actually eat less meat than the average American, and when I do eat meat, it's often because the prevailing culture makes it hard not to. I personally cook with meat a few times a year. She also tried to connect the Wisdom of the Word of Wisdom with Heavenly Mother, but I found that less convincing.
Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is a relationship coach who discussed principles from her new book from Faith Matters about eros love and masculine and feminine energy. Because of where I am in life, I had a harder time staying engaged in her talk. (Faith Matters asked me to edit her book several months ago, but I declined, because I was getting overwhelmed with all the projects I've been involved with. But I did clean up the citations.)
There was a short presentation by a Gen-Z man named Batchlor Wise Johnson IV about not labeling ourselves. It was fine.
We then heard from a couple named Sam and Jen Norton, who oversee the Church's FSY events in the UK. They spoke at the Gather conference last year, and I didn't really care for them then, so I was pleasantly surprised to enjoy their presentation. They talked about Church culture and policies setting unrealistic expectations for young people—for example, there used to be a policy that only allowed returned missionaries to be FSY counselors, but when they changed the policy, it was a blessing to individuals. There is a gap between the Church as an institution and the kingdom of God. Only 0.4 percent of the Book of Mormon talks about worthiness, but 33 percent of the Church handbook talks about it. They condemned this old fear-based Mormonad.
Then there was a panel with three gay Latter-day Saints: Steve(n Kapp) Perry, who's in a mixed-orientation marriage; Alisha Anderson, who's in a same-sex marriage; and Ben Schilaty, who's single. They talked about their experiences, and I've heard from all of them before. Those are three separate paths, and they said that people get mad at them no matter which path they are on. I feel that—no matter what decision I make, it's the wrong decision.
During lunchtime, I went and sat at the Wayfare table again. Steve Perry came and said hi to me, and he said he didn't know that someone he knew personally was involved with the magazine. He's a super nice guy, and it was surprising that he, a semifamous person, would say that to me! I also had an interesting conversation with a PhD student (of retirement age) at the University of Utah's history program. And I also talked to a representative from Greg Kofford Books, and I was able to tell him that they had recently quoted me anonymously after I wrote a book notice about one of their books.
I was surprised how busy the tables were, even when it was time for the afternoon session, but I made my way back into the auditorium. We heard from an artist who talked about how compasses (the kind that draw circles) have been portrayed in art over the centuries. I found hers dull, but I'm not an art person.
Then we heard from Jared Halverson, who has spoken each year. (My conservative dad watches his videos and calls him "my chatty guy.") I usually enjoy his presentations. This presentation was about people having personal convictions and spiritual experiences, which he called "Rekindling Pentecost." I didn't love this presentation; I thought the implication was "You need to feel a certain way about God/religion/church, and if you don't, you're doing something wrong."
And then Patrick Mason was the final speaker, and he talked all about being peacemakers. I appreciate the message, and it's so hard to put it into practice.
There were lots of musical performances throughout the conference, and I enjoyed the musical style, but a lot of the content was "God is good" praise music. I'm glad that speaks to other people, but I'm much more interested in songs with practical application, like "Lord, I Would Follow Thee" or "To Love like Thee."
I'm currently an actively practicing Latter-day Saint, and I also have many reservations and participate in church on my own terms. Faith Matters and Restore speak to me in a way that the institution doesn't. (And frankly, the institution can't meet the needs of all its members all the time.)
I just have a lot of complicated feelings right now:
- Apparently the Church just filed an amicus brief against trans rights, which is distressing in its own right, but it's especially distressing because it has remained silent on so many of the horrors going on right now, and trans people are already under attack
- I am very concerned about a Dallin H. Oaks presidency, for a multitude of reasons. Among other things, nearly every time he speaks or writes, he criticizes people who he thinks don't believe the right way. (For example, in his last conference talk, he shamed people who leave the Church, implying it's because they don't read scriptures or go to church. I have been through a faith crisis despite doing those things.) I'm hoping the mantle of prophet softens his heart.
- I am dismayed by certain members embracing MAGA and political extremism, even though it goes against everything we are supposed to stand for
- This week was the thirtieth anniversary of the Family Proclamation. I read a few articles that defended it, and they generally consisted of "Marriage is important!" "Relationships are important!" "Raising children is important!" And even "Physical touch is important!" Yet those are all things they tell gay people they can't do. It literally amounts to "You can't get married and have a family because it is important to get married and have a family," which makes no sense whatsoever. The more I think about it, the less sense the Church's LGBTQ+ policies make.
