The Invisible Man

Hi! This is a picture of some mushrooms I saw in North Canyon this week. I put this picture here so it would be the thumbnail when I post this on social media.

I have Zoom classes on Tuesday (US History to 1877) and Wednesday (borderlands). On the first day of my Tuesday class back in August, we all introduced ourselves. I said, "I do have a cat, named Jimmy, and he will probably make an appearance at some point during class." But I didn't mention that when I introduced myself in my Wednesday class.

Jimmy, for some reason, prefers to make an appearance in my Tuesday class rather than in my Wednesday class. Usually only his ears and tail are visible on the screen: his ears when he rubs his head against my face, and his tail when he leaves. One of my classmates, named Keely, usually sends me a private message when she sees him. This week, she messaged, "Jimmy spotted! Always a highlight." I told her I was impressed she remembered his name, and she said she likes it when pets have human names, so she remembered it. That same class, another classmate also sent me a private message asking, "Who is your friend? (Kitty?)" And after Jimmy walked away, yet another classmate sent a message to the entire class saying, "Mark, nice cat tail!" Which made the professor say, during class, "Let me see Mark's cat tail." I had to unmute and say, "He left." (Earlier in class, everyone had shown or talked about their dogs, so it wasn't entirely out of place.)

Then, in my Wednesday class, Jimmy made a rare appearance. I think he's only shown up one other time on Wednesday. One of my classmates sent me a private message saying, "Keely told me about your cat!" I said, "My cat has achieved celebrity status!" To which she replied something like, "It's a tragedy that Jimmy doesn't show his face more often." Not only did Keely tell her I had a cat, she even told her his name!

(Wednesday will be the third anniversary of when I got Jimmy. I love him. And not like "I love pizza" or "Look at those cute baby shoes." I truly love having him in my home, and it brings me so much joy to walk into a room and see him sitting there. It's endearing when I wake up in the middle of the night and he's sleeping next to my pillow. When he hears that I'm awake in the morning, he comes into my room and jumps on my bed, then sits on my chest, rubs his head against my face, and purrs. Back when I was working, when I would come home from work, he would go into my room and jump on my bed because he wanted to sit on me. He is so sweet and affectionate. The best twenty-five dollars I ever spent.)

But this post really isn't about Jimmy. It's more about how weird I find it that people notice me or bring it up.

I am getting better about speaking up in class, because my grade depends on it. But it can be a challenge to force myself to speak up, for several reasons:

1. I'm naturally shy.
2. I'm naturally quiet.
3. I worry that my comment will sound dumb, or that my opinion is wrong or unimportant.
4. I know some people who love to talk about themselves, even if it's irrelevant, or who love to talk about some esoteric topic that no one else cares about. These people go on and on, so that the other people are bored and/or annoyed. I don't want to be one of those people.
5. I don't like to draw attention to myself.
6. Part of me subconsciously thinks that I am somehow not quite human.

I know that last one sounds really weird. But I often wonder: Do I form my phonemes correctly so that people can understand me? Do my sentences make grammatical sense? Does blood flow through my veins the same way it flows through others? Is my muscle tissue made out of the same materials? Is my gait normal when I walk or run?

Sometimes I like to fancy that I am invisible. So when my classmate said, "Nice cat tail!" it kind of freaked me out. Not only did he notice me, but then all eyes were on me. A decade ago, I took a French class, and we were learning about describing physical characteristics, and it weirded me out when the professor described me and my clothing in front of the whole class. You won't find me talking about the clothing I'm wearing. If someone else brings it up, then I can talk about it, but I can't be the first to mention it. And I think most people have dreams where they're naked for some reason in public. When I have those dreams, my approach is to say nothing (rather than apologize or explain) and hope no one notices.

It also surprises me when I find out that people talk about me when I'm not around, so it was surprising that my Wednesday classmate knew Jimmy's name. I guess I think I'm instantly forgettable. But on Wednesday, I had two people randomly text me: one was a Sundance boss who asked if I remembered any poorly written film descriptions so she could make an editing test, and another was a friend alerting me to a source about Pioneer Day. (Of course, I already knew about it.)

Of course, I know I am not really invisible, and of course I know I'm human. But often when I think I'm the only one who feels a certain way, I later learn that I'm not the only one. So maybe others think they are uniquely invisible or subhuman.

***

Pumpkinundation roundup was fun this week.

At North Salt Lake's food trucks, I got a San Diablo Candy Apple Churro. It was a small churro with a sickly sweet filling inside. I didn't find it very appley. At least the churro was good. 5/10.

Their churros come in pairs, so I also got a San Diablo Pumpkin Cheesecake Churro. It was like pumpkin cream cheese in a churro. It was great! But there wasn't very much filling at all, and then it was just a normal churro. 7/10.

This week, I learned about Utah Taste Off. You spend $45 and they give you twelve products from local businesses, two of each. This week it was pumpkin desserts, so of course I had to try it out. I picked up all the desserts on Thursday. Earlier on Thursday, I ran up North Canyon, down to Elephant Rock, then back up and down North Canyon—12.8 miles total. So when I got my spread, I was hungry. I thought, "I could eat all six desserts in one sitting!" (I shared the other six with my family.) But I thought I should eat a sandwich first, and then I couldn't eat all the desserts at once. You try all the desserts, then rate them online.

First up was Parsons' Bakery Cranberry Pumpkin Muffin, which is how I first heard of Utah Taste Off. I think they invented this just for the Taste Off. It's a nice muffin with cranberries cooked in it—but cranberry wouldn't have been my first choice. 7/10.

The Forked Pumpkin Beignet seemed a little unfair, because I know it would have been better fresh, rather than refrigerated with everything else. But still. It really didn't taste like pumpkin whatsoever. In fact, it didn't have much flavor at all. 3/10.

The Twisted Sugar Pumpkin Cookie had chocolate chips in a pumpkin dough and a spiced frosting. The spice was more noticeable than the pumpkin, but it was still a great cookie. 8/10.

Schmidt's Pastry Cottage Pumpkin Spice Cake Donut was my favorite of the six, though it wasn't really pumpkiny. It was a maple-frosted cake donut. 8/10.

Kneaders Pumpkin Pie was a typical pumpkin pie, though it tasted more squashy than most pumpkin pies. 7/10.

Momo's Pumpkin Cheesecake was the winner of the Taste Off, and it was my parents' favorite. I'm not a big cheesecake guy, so it wasn't my favorite of the lot, but it was still a great pumpkin cheesecake. 7/10.

My mom eats this Nature's Path Organic Pumpkin Seed + Flax Granola all year round. I eat it pretty much only at this time of year (back in 2010, the box mentioned Halloween!). I loved it a decade ago, but now I find it a bit bland. 6/10.

I think Arctic Circle Pumpkin Shakes are the longest-running pumpkin product (in my life, at least) I've had. I've been getting them most years since at least 2003. The spice is a little stronger than in other pumpkin shakes, but it's a classic. 8/10.