The Invisible Man

Hi! This is a picture of some mushrooms I saw in North Canyon this week. I put this picture here so it would be the thumbnail when I post this on social media.

I have Zoom classes on Tuesday (US History to 1877) and Wednesday (borderlands). On the first day of my Tuesday class back in August, we all introduced ourselves. I said, "I do have a cat, named Jimmy, and he will probably make an appearance at some point during class." But I didn't mention that when I introduced myself in my Wednesday class.

Jimmy, for some reason, prefers to make an appearance in my Tuesday class rather than in my Wednesday class. Usually only his ears and tail are visible on the screen: his ears when he rubs his head against my face, and his tail when he leaves. One of my classmates, named Keely, usually sends me a private message when she sees him. This week, she messaged, "Jimmy spotted! Always a highlight." I told her I was impressed she remembered his name, and she said she likes it when pets have human names, so she remembered it. That same class, another classmate also sent me a private message asking, "Who is your friend? (Kitty?)" And after Jimmy walked away, yet another classmate sent a message to the entire class saying, "Mark, nice cat tail!" Which made the professor say, during class, "Let me see Mark's cat tail." I had to unmute and say, "He left." (Earlier in class, everyone had shown or talked about their dogs, so it wasn't entirely out of place.)

Then, in my Wednesday class, Jimmy made a rare appearance. I think he's only shown up one other time on Wednesday. One of my classmates sent me a private message saying, "Keely told me about your cat!" I said, "My cat has achieved celebrity status!" To which she replied something like, "It's a tragedy that Jimmy doesn't show his face more often." Not only did Keely tell her I had a cat, she even told her his name!

(Wednesday will be the third anniversary of when I got Jimmy. I love him. And not like "I love pizza" or "Look at those cute baby shoes." I truly love having him in my home, and it brings me so much joy to walk into a room and see him sitting there. It's endearing when I wake up in the middle of the night and he's sleeping next to my pillow. When he hears that I'm awake in the morning, he comes into my room and jumps on my bed, then sits on my chest, rubs his head against my face, and purrs. Back when I was working, when I would come home from work, he would go into my room and jump on my bed because he wanted to sit on me. He is so sweet and affectionate. The best twenty-five dollars I ever spent.)

But this post really isn't about Jimmy. It's more about how weird I find it that people notice me or bring it up.

I am getting better about speaking up in class, because my grade depends on it. But it can be a challenge to force myself to speak up, for several reasons:

1. I'm naturally shy.
2. I'm naturally quiet.
3. I worry that my comment will sound dumb, or that my opinion is wrong or unimportant.
4. I know some people who love to talk about themselves, even if it's irrelevant, or who love to talk about some esoteric topic that no one else cares about. These people go on and on, so that the other people are bored and/or annoyed. I don't want to be one of those people.
5. I don't like to draw attention to myself.
6. Part of me subconsciously thinks that I am somehow not quite human.

I know that last one sounds really weird. But I often wonder: Do I form my phonemes correctly so that people can understand me? Do my sentences make grammatical sense? Does blood flow through my veins the same way it flows through others? Is my muscle tissue made out of the same materials? Is my gait normal when I walk or run?

Sometimes I like to fancy that I am invisible. So when my classmate said, "Nice cat tail!" it kind of freaked me out. Not only did he notice me, but then all eyes were on me. A decade ago, I took a French class, and we were learning about describing physical characteristics, and it weirded me out when the professor described me and my clothing in front of the whole class. You won't find me talking about the clothing I'm wearing. If someone else brings it up, then I can talk about it, but I can't be the first to mention it. And I think most people have dreams where they're naked for some reason in public. When I have those dreams, my approach is to say nothing (rather than apologize or explain) and hope no one notices.

It also surprises me when I find out that people talk about me when I'm not around, so it was surprising that my Wednesday classmate knew Jimmy's name. I guess I think I'm instantly forgettable. But on Wednesday, I had two people randomly text me: one was a Sundance boss who asked if I remembered any poorly written film descriptions so she could make an editing test, and another was a friend alerting me to a source about Pioneer Day. (Of course, I already knew about it.)

Of course, I know I am not really invisible, and of course I know I'm human. But often when I think I'm the only one who feels a certain way, I later learn that I'm not the only one. So maybe others think they are uniquely invisible or subhuman.

***

Pumpkinundation roundup was fun this week.

At North Salt Lake's food trucks, I got a San Diablo Candy Apple Churro. It was a small churro with a sickly sweet filling inside. I didn't find it very appley. At least the churro was good. 5/10.

Their churros come in pairs, so I also got a San Diablo Pumpkin Cheesecake Churro. It was like pumpkin cream cheese in a churro. It was great! But there wasn't very much filling at all, and then it was just a normal churro. 7/10.

This week, I learned about Utah Taste Off. You spend $45 and they give you twelve products from local businesses, two of each. This week it was pumpkin desserts, so of course I had to try it out. I picked up all the desserts on Thursday. Earlier on Thursday, I ran up North Canyon, down to Elephant Rock, then back up and down North Canyon—12.8 miles total. So when I got my spread, I was hungry. I thought, "I could eat all six desserts in one sitting!" (I shared the other six with my family.) But I thought I should eat a sandwich first, and then I couldn't eat all the desserts at once. You try all the desserts, then rate them online.

First up was Parsons' Bakery Cranberry Pumpkin Muffin, which is how I first heard of Utah Taste Off. I think they invented this just for the Taste Off. It's a nice muffin with cranberries cooked in it—but cranberry wouldn't have been my first choice. 7/10.

The Forked Pumpkin Beignet seemed a little unfair, because I know it would have been better fresh, rather than refrigerated with everything else. But still. It really didn't taste like pumpkin whatsoever. In fact, it didn't have much flavor at all. 3/10.

The Twisted Sugar Pumpkin Cookie had chocolate chips in a pumpkin dough and a spiced frosting. The spice was more noticeable than the pumpkin, but it was still a great cookie. 8/10.

Schmidt's Pastry Cottage Pumpkin Spice Cake Donut was my favorite of the six, though it wasn't really pumpkiny. It was a maple-frosted cake donut. 8/10.

Kneaders Pumpkin Pie was a typical pumpkin pie, though it tasted more squashy than most pumpkin pies. 7/10.

Momo's Pumpkin Cheesecake was the winner of the Taste Off, and it was my parents' favorite. I'm not a big cheesecake guy, so it wasn't my favorite of the lot, but it was still a great pumpkin cheesecake. 7/10.

My mom eats this Nature's Path Organic Pumpkin Seed + Flax Granola all year round. I eat it pretty much only at this time of year (back in 2010, the box mentioned Halloween!). I loved it a decade ago, but now I find it a bit bland. 6/10.

I think Arctic Circle Pumpkin Shakes are the longest-running pumpkin product (in my life, at least) I've had. I've been getting them most years since at least 2003. The spice is a little stronger than in other pumpkin shakes, but it's a classic. 8/10.

Summer, but make it October

 Lately I've been watching Halloween Baking Championship on Food Network. On this show, the contestants will be baking a dessert corresponding to a certain theme when the host comes in and tells them they need to incorporate a weird ingredient, such as pumpkin puree, black garlic, or baby food.

This show really gets my imagination running. What could I bake with weird ingredients? Specifically, what could I bake with the home-grown produce we have sitting in our fridge, such as apples and zucchini? So sometimes I will be contemplating that while I fall asleep.

Last week, I dreamed that I was making pineapple zucchini crisp. In the dream, I was coating the fruit in mayonnaise. Then I thought, "The recipe says I can use mayo or sugar, so why didn't I use sugar instead?"

When I woke up, I thought that pineapple zucchini crisp didn't sound bad. I thought it would be funny to make it. After all, two years ago I made Cap'n Crunch stuffing after dreaming about it.

So this week, on Tuesday, I got to make this imagined crisp. I specifically bought a pineapple for the purpose, and I used the yellow squash we had in our fridge, which came from our garden. (It was the squash that came from the garden. Fridges don't grow in gardens.)

You might be wondering if I can have this dessert, since it's not a holiday dessert. But if I'm using our own home-grown produce, I can have it.

I have this crisp recipe from my book How to Cook Everything Vegetarian, a book that has made me more comfortable experimenting with different ingredients. I have made cherry crisp, apricot crisp, plum crisp, grape crisp, and apple crisp, all using our own produce, and I have also made cranberry-orange crisp at Christmastime. But pineapple zucchini crisp was a first, obviously.

So how was it? Surprisingly good, especially when it was fresh out of the oven. The zucchini had a satisfying slight crunch, and it absorbed sweetness from the sugar and the pineapple. But it got less good the less fresh it got. I don't know if I would necessarily try this again, but I do think zucchini could act as filler in other fruit crisps. It would have been bland if it were only zucchini.

Wednesday night was the vice presidential debate. I felt a connection to it, since the U was making a big deal about it being on campus (as they should have!). I did apply for the student lottery to get tickets, but only one hundred people got to to, so I wasn't surprised when I didn't get any.

It seems to me like in this debate, you saw what you wanted to see. I saw Kamala Harris as a confident, compassionate, intelligent woman, while Mike Pence was domineering and deliberately avoided answering questions that might make him or the president look bad. But others thought Kamala was condescending. The debate only solidified my voting plan—and it probably did the same for those on the other side of the aisle.

Near the freeway entrance in Woods Cross, this week I noticed home-printed signs that say, "Please don't re-elect Wicked King Noah." 😆 

On Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, my family went camping in our new trailer in Wasatch Mountain State Park. We camped there in September two years ago. It's a really nice campground. There are water and electric hookups for our trailer, and there are even full-plumbing restrooms and showers at the campsite. I took two showers while there, one in the public-use shower and one in our trailer, the first time we have used the trailer shower.

I got to use the nearby trails for some fun runs. I didn't do very long ones (five miles max), but they were lovely. Maples aren't great this year, but some of them were still gorgeous. And golden aspens are always amazing.

There is a little nature trail with interpretive signs. It even had an old limestone mine that you could see.

We associate camping with summer, but nearly everything is better in the fall, including camping. I highly recommend Wasatch Mountain State Park.

We also saw Cascade Springs. My parents picked me up from Provo and took me there back on September 8, 2012, a day I remember surprisingly well.

I love October, because it's fully fall, but there are still many elements of summer that have stuck around. Today I was able to make a big pot of tomato sauce with the tomatoes from our own garden.

But one thing I can do without is the mosquitoes. October is one month where I can reliably count on hearing mosquitoes in my bedroom at night. After we unloaded the car last night, there were at least a dozen mosquitoes in our house. I guess October really is the month when vampires come out.

***

Time for pumpkinundation roundup!

Nielsen's Frozen Custard Pumpkin Concrete has a nice pumpkin flavor, and it's nice to know that it has less calories than ice cream (I think). 8/10.

Thomas' Pumpkin Spice English Muffins are the best pumpkin English muffins out there, with little pockets of pumpkin and spices. Since I eat so many carbs this time of year, I love to pair them with savory, protein-rich things like eggs and cheese. But I don't like that you have to cut them; they aren't presliced. 8/10.

This Good Housekeeping Spiced Pumpkin Harvest Hand Sanitizer smells more like candy corn, which is equally seasonal, so I don't know why they didn't go with that. 6/10.

I got this Bahama Buck's Caramel Apple Shaved Ice to have during the debate. I forgot to tell them I didn't need an umbrella or a spoon. I wish more businesses used biodegradable utensils. I also hate that Bahama Buck's gives these useless, wasteful umbrellas. At least they're not plastic, but they are completely unnecessary. What a waste! Also, I don't eat in my car, but I had to eat the top off so it wouldn't melt in my car. In so doing, a little piece fell off and landed somewhere, but I don't know where. So sad! That was a very long introduction to this product. It's a fake apple flavor with caramel topping. It's just what you'd expect. 7/10.

The Good Housekeeping Apple Cinnamon Cider didn't smell like anything but hand sanitizer to me. 3/10.

The Russell Stover Pumpkin Spice Caramel Pumpkin is an enjoyable chocolate-covered caramel with spicy elements. But I don't really get pumpkin. I forgot to see if pumpkin was in the ingredients, but I doubt it. 7/10.

Floss Cotton Candy is a local cotton candy company that is sold at Lee's Marketplace. I first heard of them this summer when they had a fireworks flavor (yay!). They are expensive, and they come in these heavy-duty containers. I have mixed feelings. It seems overkill to put cotton candy in such a sturdy container, but the containers are totally reusable, unlike a simple plastic bag. Anyway, they have the three pillars of fall flavors. Floss Caramel Apple Cotton Candy is an artificial apple flavor with caramel bits. The caramel bits are crunchier than you'd expect, but it works. 7/10.

The Floss Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookie somehow tastes like a pumpkin cookie, with a mild spice to it and actual chocolate bits mixed in. 7/10.

And finally, Floss Candy Corn Cotton Candy is really a weird concept, as candy corn and cotton candy don't really have their own flavor. They're just sugar. But it does taste like candy corn! 7/10.

In Midway this week, we went to Süss Cookie Company, which has only two locations, but they sell their cookies other places. The Süss Cookie Co. Pumpkin Nutella Cookie had a pumpkin flavor, but I didn't notice any Nutella at all. This tasted like a prepackaged cookie, not like the fresh cookies from the various cookie bakeries. 6/10.

But the Süss Cookie Co. Pumpkin Cheesecake Cookie was much better. The cookie was soft and chewy, and the cream cheese frosting was wonderful. 8/10.

Good & Gather Pumpkin Spice Hot Cocoa Mix is a Target brand. It tastes like dark chocolate with comforting spices. But it must be made with milk, not with water. 8/10.

Unevent-fall

 It seems like this should have been a more eventful week than it was, but that's OK.

It was my birthday on Tuesday. I am now the same age that my mother was when she had me, and the same age that my second grade teacher was when I was in her class. I didn't do much. I did my usual run in the morning, and my family had pizza and cake and ice cream. I got a rug with interchangeable seasonal mats from my parents, edible glitter (like for cake decorating) from my sister, and a large Squishmallow turkey from my niece (she gave it to me a few weeks ago so I wouldn't buy one myself). My old boss from the Church History Library, who is now a mission president, called me, which was very thoughtful, coming from someone as busy as he is. Then I had class in the afternoon. We were joined by the author of the book we were discussing this week. He was in England, so it was well past midnight, but he was still very talkative and long-winded. The debate was that night, but I didn't watch it because I was doing homework.

I did my North Canyon runs Monday through Friday, and I had a few little things that changed it up. One day, I saw a flock up birds up in the sky. Sometimes they were white, but when they changed direction, they became black and white. I remember seeing that back when I was seven years old, but I hadn't seen it since then. Another day, an insect flew into my mouth, and I had to push it out with my tongue. It was uncomfortable to feel the exoskeleton in my mouth. The next day I had a bump on my lip, so I wonder if it bit me or stung me (it didn't hurt, but it looked like a mosquito bite). Another day, I noticed a lively spider on the trail. The best way I can describe it is as a kung fu spider. It was either a small tarantula or a very large other kind of spider, and it kept putting some of its legs in the air like it was ready to strike. At one point I noticed it was lying on its back, and I wondered if it needed help flipping over. But nope, it just liked doing backflips. 

The leaves aren't as spectacular this year as they are in other years, but North Canyon still has some wonderful sights. Friday was cloudy, and when it's cloudy, the lighting is better for vibrant colors.

I gotta say, President Nelson raised the bar for general conference so that this conference seemed boring, because there weren't any major announcements, except for six new temples. I liked Sunday's talks better, and there was a lot of acknowledging the pandemic hardships.

***

Pumpkinundation roundup is sparse this week. Since it was my birthday, I could eat whatever I wanted, so I didn't have as much seasonal stuff—and schoolwork and other things kept me from going out as much.

This Bobo's Pumpkin Spice Oat Bar is from last week, but I forgot to put it on last week's blog. I first saw these a year ago, and they seem to be a newly popular bar. I don't get why. It's very dense and dry, and it's a little bland. Also, each bar is two servings. Really?? One bar has more than three hundred calories. There are better ways to have calories. 5/10.

This Kroger Pumpkin Pie Ice Cream has pie pieces and a white swirl. I don't know what the white swirl is; it seems like marshmallow. I appreciate the mix-ins, because it's not just another pumpkin ice cream. 8/10.

Nature's Bakery Pumpkin Spice Fig Bars are like Fig Newtons. I honestly don't remember what I thought of this when I ate it. So 6/10?

False dichotomies

One of my classes this semester is History of the US West. It's actually an undergrad class, but I'm allowed to take it because it's deeply connected to my research interests. I have a few different assignments than the undergrads do.

One of my required readings for this class is a new book called Pioneers in the Attic: Place and Memory along the Mormon Trail by Sara M. Patterson (New York: Oxford University Press, 2020). It's interesting to me, because each chapter (except for one) begins with a statue or other feature at This Is the Place Heritage Park—you know, the place where I worked until the pandemic hit. In the book she mentions visiting the park in the summer of 2019. I worked there in the summer of 2019. Might she have come into one of the sites where I was working, and I talked to her, not knowing she was writing a book about the park? I do feel like This Is the Place isn't a very scholarly place. I'm one of the most scholarly people there, and yet I'm not a full-blown scholar.

Anyway, in the last chapter of the book is this quote: “Perhaps Mormons can start to acknowledge the tensions in their own collective memory. Perhaps this can also open the way for Mormons to celebrate their pioneer heritage while also acknowledging the imperial impulses of Manifest Destiny in which they participated” (235–36). 

YES. Exactly this. I get frustrated when people say we shouldn't celebrate Pioneer Day because of what it meant for Native Americans. Alternatively, it is frustrating when people pass on whitewashed, embellished stories about pioneers. We can honor the pioneers and still be aware of what their arrival meant for other groups. It's not an either-or. 

I really get frustrated with false dichotomies, where people present exactly two options and you have to pick one. Life is rarely so black and white; there are many shades of gray.

This got me thinking about other false dichotomies in life that are frustrating. Some of them are trivial, some of them are more important. But here are some other examples.

When I see people wearing University of Utah masks, I'm like, "Oh yeeaahhh, that's my school." It's easy for me to forget that I am literally a student there, since I haven't been on campus since I took the GRE more than a year ago. I grew up in a BYU family and a moronic rivalry culture. So part of me gets my hackles up when I see a red U. Which is totally ridiculous. You can like both schools at the same time!

This week I finally received the Biden/Harris t-shirt that I ordered several weeks ago. Unfortunately, we have a false-dichotomy political culture. When I hear Trump supporters' reasons, 95 percent of the time it's because they oppose abortion. But guess what? You can be anti-abortion and still vote for Democrats! When the choice is between a Christian who attends church and a bully who brags about groping women, the choice could not be any more obvious for a Christian, yet so many Christians are making the wrong choice. (Now, you might say this is a false dichotomy, because you can vote for a third party. In theory you are right, and I voted third party in 2012 and 2016. Unfortunately, the false-dichotomy culture has made third-party voting a waste. We cannot afford to waste any votes this year.)

I often see people who like older music complaining about music "these days." Whether they grew up in the 60s, the 80s, or the 90s, they tend to make disparaging remarks about Taylor Swift or other modern singers. Guess what? You can like what you like without disparaging other things. I once read an article that said since it is impossible to watch every movie, read every book, or hear all the music, we tend to dismiss certain genres or time periods as inherently inferior so that we don't have to invest time in them. But we can like what we like and still acknowledge that other genres have merit, even if we don't care to invest our time in them.

(Since I mentioned Taylor Swift, maybe this is a good place to update my ranking of her albums, now that folklore has been out for two months:

1. Speak Now (2010)
2. Red (2012)
3. folklore [clean version] (2020)
4. 1989 (2014)
5. Lover (2019)
6. reputation (2017)
7. Fearless (2008)
8. Taylor Swift (2006))

And some deeply religious people like to dismiss or criticize science (climate change, evolution) because they think it's incompatible with their beliefs. And some scientifically minded people similarly become hostile towards religion. But you don't have to choose! You can have both!

Finally, to end on a frivolous note, now that it's late September, more and more people have their Halloween stuff out, including figures from The Nightmare before Christmas, my favorite movie. And we frequently see debates about whether it's a Halloween movie or a Christmas movie. Pssh. The obvious answer is it's both. Most of the action takes place in Halloweentown, and most of the characters are Halloween characters, but most of the movie takes place after Halloween and it literally has Christmas in the title. 

***

Sometimes I feel silly doing pumpkinundation roundup after less frivolous posts, but I did talk about Taylor Swift and The Nightmare before Christmas, so it's not like this is an ultraserious blog.

My sister didn't like the Jelly Belly Harvest Selection that she bought, so she gave it to me. It features maple-flavored walnut candies, chocolate balls, lemon-flavored corn candies, orange-flavored pumpkin candies, cinnamon candy corn, chocolate candy corn, and regular candy corn. The chocolate balls don't belong here. They are a different candy entirely from the rest, and they aren't even very good chocolate (probably because they were sitting in the same package as all the candy corn). But I do enjoy all the others. It's a bit strange to have orange-flavored pumpkins, since those pumpkins usually have the same flavor as candy corn, but I'm not complaining. The cinnamon candy corn is the best, though; it works perfectly. Jelly Belly candy corn is smoother than most candy corns. 7/10.

belVita Pumpkin Spice Breakfast Biscuits have been around for years. They are enjoyable cookie-like snacks. I wouldn't eat them for breakfast (I have too active of a lifestyle for such a low-calorie meal), but they have a nice flavor, even if it's not extremely pumpkiny. (But I can't help but wonder why they thought it was a good idea to give it a name that was so close to Velveeta!) 7/10.

I'm trying to support local, so I went to North Salt Lake's food trucks this week. (It infuriates me how many people bring their dogs, when dogs are not allowed at that park because of the splash pad. Entitled jerks!) I got Renee's Cheesecake Pumpkin Cheesecake, which is a strange thing to sell from a truck. It was as fine as any pumpkin cheesecake; not bad but not exceptional. 7/10.

I remembered that I haven't always been impressed with Bear Naked Pumpkin Spice Granola, but it was worse than I remembered. It's not very flavorful and it's very dense. It's almost like Grape Nuts. 5/10.

It's been a few years since I had a Bahama Buck's Pumpkin Pie Smoothie, but again, I'm supporting local. This is not like a Jamba Juice smoothie. I don't think a real pumpkin got anywhere near this drink. I think the "pumpkin" element is just pumpkin-flavored syrup. Lazy! It's a nice drink, but it would have been so easy to use real pumpkin puree. 6/10.

I gained more respect for the Caramel Almond Pumpkin Spice Kind Bar when I read the ingredients and saw that it is actually made with pumpkin. It seems like pumpkin is an afterthought, but these are relatively healthy (for the fiber-and-protein-to-sugar ratio) and satisfying. 7/10.

The Spiced Pumpkin Pie Clif Bar is enjoyable, but I also like to get the gingerbread and carrot cake  varieties at other times of the year, so it's a little hard to distinguish from those other varieties. I often buy a big box of these in the fall, but then trail season ends at the same time pumpkin season ends, and I have leftovers, which I start eating again on the trails in the spring. So Clif Bars taste like summer to me rather than fall. 7/10.

Pumpkin Pie Kit Kats came out in 2017, and I'm glad they keep returning. They have a nice pumpkin spice flavor and scent to the coating. 7/10.

Special K Pumpkin Spice has yogurt-coated clusters mixed with Special K flakes. I love the clusters, and they settle in the box, so the later bowls are better than the early ones. (This morning I filled a bowl with cereal, then accidentally dropped the milk gallon on the bowl, flipping it exactly upside down and spreading dry cereal everywhere!) 7/10.

I got the Crumbl Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookie when it was fresh out of the oven and all the chocolate was gooey. 8/10.

Pumpkin Spice Cheerios is the best of all the pumpkin cereals; it has a nice, comforting pumpkin flavor. 9/10.

Of all the cookie places, Chip is my favorite, but Goodly is a close second (maybe even tied for first place). I'm sad it only has one location. Now, I consider apple pie a Thanksgiving dessert, not a Halloween dessert, so it's too early for apple pie. But I consider apple cider a Halloween treat, so I was able to get this Apple of My Pie Goodly Cookie, because it has an apple cider drizzle (and it won't be around at Thanksgiving!). It has apple pie filling in the center, and it tastes like it has oats as well. Now, as an apple cookie, I didn't think it was exceptional—but all of Goodly's cookies are amazing, including this one. 9/10.