23 years.

This week I celebrated a birthday. That's right, I'm now the big 2-3. It wasn't an overly exciting birthday. My biggest present is that our piano is finally getting tuned. It needs it, badly. It's probably the second worst piano I've ever heard (the worst belonging to Ray and JoAnn Welsh in Mead, Washington--compared to theirs, ours could belong to the Utah Symphony). It's too bad I don't play. But hopefully I can get better with it fixed. Now right notes won't sound like wrong notes.

I know there's not much difference between 22 and 23. But I kind of feel like there is. Maybe it's just because in my synesthetic mind, I see 2's as blue and 3's as yellowish, so I've never seen this combination of a blue and a yellowish in my age before.

I kind of feel like I haven't done much with my life. I think the biggest factor of this is that I'm not married. My brother was married shortly before turning 22. An episode of The Addams Family had Gomez and Morticia marrying at 22. But I'm not even close to marriage. I've been on fewer dates than the average high-schooler. I wouldn't mind talking about why this is the case, but I know if I did, what I wrote would be misinterpreted and there would be awkward feelings all around. So I'll just leave it at saying I go on very few dates, so I'm not even close to having a girlfriend, let alone a wife. And you don't have to tell me I'm not doing my duty. The apostles already told me that in April.

Another reason I feel I haven't done much with my life is my job situation. I have only held three jobs (although one I've held twice now). My pre-mission job was rather unglamorous, working in the Walmart deli. I'm SO glad I don't work there now. My job earlier this year was essentially a custodial job. Anywhere else, that would be unglamorous, but on campus, lots of us have bad jobs. But it was somewhat glamorous; I got paid to watch gymnastics and volleyball, and I got to learn all about how gymnastics stuff is set up. But I thought my boss would invite us back if he liked us. I got no invitation, which just shows that I wasn't even good at that manual labor job. My current job is a great environment, has great pay, and requires more smarts than my other two. But it's still not something I want to do my whole life. I haven't had any internships or campus experience or anything like that. Once I take E Lang 350, the basic editing class, that should open up a lot of opportunities for me, so I want to take it ASAP. I just hope I will be able to get a job once I graduate (or before then). At least I have geology as a backup.

So I've talked about what I haven't done--but what have I done? Well, I graduated from high school. I don't think of that as that big of an accomplishment. I passed three of six AP tests (darn that U.S. history, biology, and Spanish!), and got a 36 on the English portion of the ACT. I won the sixth grade geography bee and made it to the state level.

I've been accepted to BYU, and all of my schooling so far has been on at least a half tuition scholarship. I hope to be able to keep it up, especially the full tuition for spring and summer. (Full tuition for fall and winter would be great! But I doubt it'll happen.)

Undoubtedly, the greatest thing I did was a mission. I don't think I was a super amazing missionary, although the only place I have significant regrets about is my first area, but ignorance was really part of the situation there. I was super nervous and sad to leave, but I was even sadder to come home. I can't believe it's been almost two years now!

What was so great about my mission was how I came back. I may still be painfully socially awkward, but I'm much better than I was. (Two years at college have helped that too.) I know a lot now about people, scriptures, and the states of Idaho and Washington. I think in high school I viewed myself as stuck in a rut of being weird. Now I think it's possible for me to be normal. I don't think I ever will be, but at least it's possible.

I lost 60 unwanted pounds. Having returned and doing nothing but sitting in class and doing homework all day, I decided I didn't want to gain those 60 pounds back. This has led me to a habit of running, so that I have lost twenty additional pounds, I have run a 5k, and I currently run around five miles several times a week, with hopes of increasing the amount of time I run.

I think what makes me most nervous about being 23 is I don't know what to do with my life. I have a few more years before I get my Bachelors, but then what? Do I get a Masters or a PhD or do I call my four-year degree good? Whom do I marry? How do I marry or even establish if a girl likes me? How can I get a good job?

I'll just brush all that aside for now...