The fifth-grade letter

This week I got a call from my mom. She told me I got a letter in the mail from R. Mark Melville, 5th grade. We wrote these letters on the last day of school in 2000, and my teacher, Mrs. Call, was supposed to send them out when we graduated from high school--which was almost five years ago! I think Mrs. Call's idea was that we would forget about it and then one day it would come as a surprise and it would remind us of things we had forgotten. But this did not happen to me; I remembered most of the contents of the letter (although perhaps I don't actually remember putting them in the letter), and I remember that we were supposed to get it. I just assumed Mrs. Call had forgotten, and now that she's retired, I'd never see it again.

But I did see it again. Actually, I haven't seen it yet. My mom just read it to me over the phone. So I don't have it in my possession, but I will try to remember the things I said.

First of all, I asked what things were like in 2007. That is a difficult question to answer, because it's not like I can hop in a time machine and tell my eleven-year-old self. But if I could, what would I tell him?

Things that changed between 2000 and 2007. The internet is a lot faster now. Email addresses ending in @aol.com are an endangered species, being dominated by @gmail.com. Cell phones play actual (or almost actual) music instead of beeping sounds. A lot of people listen to music on mp3 players instead of CDs. The iPhone is just coming out. DVDs are mainstream now; new VHS tapes are hard to find. Airport security is a lot tighter and you can only go past the gate if you have a flight--not just to pick someone up. People use MySpace (I never did) and write their feelings on blogs. You can find all sorts of fun video clips on YouTube. Many light bulbs are curly, expensive, energy efficient, and take forever to light up. LED Christmas lights are more energy efficient but more expensive and have piercing blue lights.

Things that changed between 2000 and 2012. Not only are DVDs mainstream, they're on their way out, being replaced (gradually) by Blu-ray discs that are high picture quality (that's debatable) and have a wide picture. New TV and computer monitors are all flat and wide. A lot of movies, especially animated ones, are in 3D. (It's not that great.) Most animated movies are CGI (in the same style as Toy Story). Stores' CD sections are small, and straight-CD stores are hard to find, since most people download music instead. (I still buy CDs, but I download songs, too, even though I don't use an mp3 player.) You can listen to music, watch movies, and surf the internet on your phone. (But I can't.) Usually you don't need any wires to go online. Google, and a lot of other sites, predict what you're looking for. People stay in touch via Facebook, and nearly every website has buttons connected to Facebook and Twitter. (I still don't know what Twitter is...) Global warming has somehow morphed into a political issue. Job applications are often submitted electronically.

In my letter I complained about having to do actual class work on the last day of school, writing the letter and taking a states test. That is a little ridiculous. Even high school wasn't like that. College doesn't really have "last days" in that sense--you have last days of class but then you have test days.

I mentioned some music traits. I expressed disdain at the popularity of 'NSync (however they're spelled) and Britney Spears. I said my favorite piece of music was "Linus and Lucy," that I was growing a taste for classical music, that I liked the Beatles, and that my favorite CD was Snoopy's Beatles.

I will go through these backwards so that I can clear my name. Snoopy's Beatles was a silly CD where they put some kids in a studio, had them pretend to be Peanuts characters, and had them sing Beatles songs while someone played the songs on toy instruments. This was a little young, even for an eleven-year-old. Yet I loved it, and even had some other CDs in the series, Snoopy's Country and Snoopy's Classical. (I think I got the classical one in sixth grade for Easter. It wasn't too bad since there was no singing.) I don't know why I liked it so much.

I still like the Beatles, although I get a little bored with them, probably because I've been listening to the same twenty-six songs since high school. If I had some fresh tunes, I'm sure I'd appreciate them more.

I like and appreciate classical music when I hear it, but I seldom listen to it.

I don't think I actually had any Peanuts music at the time, but today I have seven Vince Guaraldi albums (three of them original albums, four of them compilations). He's one of the underappreciated gems of the twentieth century.

I'm trying to figure out why I disliked the boy bands and Britney Spears so much. In my letter I said I wasn't hip. I'm not sure if I disliked them because I wanted to distance myself from "hip" things, or if I genuinely didn't like them. Today I usually don't hate what I hear on the radio. I may find songs overrated ("If I Die Young") or overplayed ("Moves Like Jagger") or immoral ("Last Friday Night"), but I usually don't hate them. This may be the opposite from fifth grade: I don't know if I like today's music because I genuinely like it, or if I like it because I want to be "normal" so I listen to "normal" music. I think some of all of these factors may be involved, but I think some of my fifth-grade disdain may have been legitimate. My preferred radio station is My 99.5, "the best of the '90s to now," and I don't think I've ever heard them play boy band music (last week they played Justin Timberlake, but he was solo). This would indicate to me that the boy bands were just a passing phase without good quality, and that those of us who disliked them were right to do so. In the fall Britney had a song that kept playing on the radio and getting stuck in my head, "I Wanna Go." I thought the song was kind of catchy, but it was obvious Britney herself didn't really have much in the way of musical talent. But I might have thought this because of my preconceived notions lasting all the way from fifth grade. However, I haven't heard any of her songs lately, so that also seems to indicate that she's not good enough to be worth playing again.

I mentioned that my favorite book was The Phantom Tollbooth. I read this book so many times, and loved it. I thought it was a great and underappreciated book. Looking back, I realize it wasn't the greatest literature, although it was entertaining. I was actually thinking about the book this week, because in geology we were learning about minerals, and some mineral crystals were described as dodecahedral. A character in The Phantom Tollbooth is a dodecahedron, having twelve faces of different emotions. Now I'd probably say my favorite book is The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.

I said that my favorite movie was Snoopy Come Home. Today I really don't know what my favorite movie is. My standards are so high that the movies I usually watch are family friendly, G or PG, and often animated. In high school I said my favorite movie was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but I haven't watched it (or Snoopy Come Home, for that matter) since I've been home from my mission.

I said that in addition to the pop stars previously mentioned, falling in love was popular. I don't know why elementary school kids think they're in love when clearly they're not. I said I didn't love anyone, but that I had loved a certain individual. I actually never had a crush on her. I simply admired her, and I hopped on the fifth-grade bandwagon of being in love. I thought I liked her again in eighth grade, but that was a false alarm as well. As a matter of fact, I think this concept of young children thinking they're in love is quite damaging. Because I thought I had a crush on this girl, I couldn't admire her and be friends with her in an appropriate way.

The older I get, the more I think I am incapable of falling in love, since I'm so full of hate and selfishness. For Valentine's Day, I have a Jar of Hearts on my desk. It's a jar with hearts painted on it, and I put candy conversation hearts in it. It's to symbolize that I'm going to catch a cold from the ice inside my soul.

In my letter I asked where David went on his mission. (Taiwan.) I asked if he was married (yes, to Ya-ping), and mentioned that he was currently dating one Andrea Campbell. I pointed out that I would soon be going on a mission. This would have been true if I had received the letter when I was supposed to.

I mentioned I pretended I was married to someone named Nobody. This was the only part of the letter I specifically remembered writing. I always regretted having put it there because it was a short-lived phase. Five-year-olds have imaginary friends. This eleven-year-old had an imaginary wife. (Hey, since I can't fall in love, that's not a bad idea...)

In closing the letter, I gave myself hugs, and said I couldn't kiss my own face. Just the thought of kissing makes me cringe! I also hate hugs. Really. I only like hugs involving small children, like my nephews. A handshake is about all the physical contact I can handle.