Scattered thoughts

On Monday this week, I had a tour of the Church History Library, where I work. No, I didn't get to see anything super special on my tour. (If you go into the library now, in the part open to the public, you can see displays with historic artifacts--original versions of different books of scripture, etc.) But I got to go in the freezer rooms that are kept around zero degrees to preserve photographs. I also learned that they store every available patriarchal blessing there. At one point in the tour, we watched a video clip with early Church leaders. At one of them, our tour guide said, "I'll be surprised if anyone knows this one." I said, "Isn't that James E. Talmage?" When he asked how I knew it, I said, "Because I minored in geology, and he was a geologist."

You may or may not know that I really like Lady Gaga. But I don't really like her morals, which means I have never bought a complete album of hers. (I have one song from The Fame, four from The Fame Monster, five from Born This Way, and three from Artpop.) That changed this week with the release of Cheek to Cheek, her collaboration with Tony Bennett. I like it because of Gaga but also because I'm amazed such a thing exists--a controversial pop-star singing with an old-school 88-year-old jazz singer! There seems to be a perception that she must do all her craziness to mask a lack of talent. This new album proves that's not true. Some songs, like "Poker Face" and "Telephone," disguise her voice. With Tony Bennett, Gaga is stripped down--and this time it's in a good way.

This week at work, I've had to look at various places in Utah. I had to look up a mountain called Barney Top. I should have known this would happen:

I also found a very interesting website where you can see how Utah's counties have changed through time. I'm not into history, but I find myself fascinated by Utah history. I like visiting small towns, because even though they have modern conveniences, they're still very much pioneer towns. My dad is from Fillmore, and I find myself interested in that heritage. As a linguist, I like noticing the Utah accent. My dad uses a few idiosyncrasies. For words like "with" and "teeth," he ends them with "f," as in "teef" and "wiff." They speak that way in some parts of England. I noticed that he pronounces "measure" like "may-sure" instead of "meh-sure"--I'm pretty sure his pronunciation is closer to what the original would have been. He drinks root beer with the "oo" sounding like that in "book." As a kid, before I knew anything about dialects, I remember once talking to my aunt Terri on the phone, who talked about visiting the "crick."

Now, for those of you who may think, "I'm glad I know the correct pronunciation"--stop it! Dialects are a natural occurrence. They are not inherently dumb or unintelligent. One person's pronunciation is no better than yours. Yes, yours.

As of tomorrow morning (the 29th), I will be 26. So I have someone coming over this week to help me with insurance, now that I can no longer be on my parents' plan, and my internship gives me no benefits.

Yesterday, with all the rain, I frivolously spent my time. I may come across as mature, but I'm really not, as I spent a good amount of time watching YouTube videos of people falling down and crashing and such. But then I realized, "This is such a waste of time, and it's not even that funny." And some of the videos are mildly inappropriate, and I remembered President Monson's talk from last April: "If you ever find yourself where you shouldn’t ought to be, get out!" I never view pornographic sites or go to bars or anything like that, but I realized that some YouTube videos or BuzzFeed articles are places where I shouldn't ought to be. "Get out!" is kind of my unofficial motto now.

Then today there was an early morning priesthood meeting and ward conference. At one point, they talked about finding balance in our life, and when they talked about being physically balanced, they talked about getting enough sleep. Ever the cynic, I couldn't help thinking, "Then why did you schedule such an early meeting?" I kind of had a bad attitude this morning. Anyway, in the various meetings today, they talked about priorities and making good use of our time. It really confirmed to me my decision to quit watching those dumb videos.

Except for cat videos. They're just too hilarious.

Not a worthwhile read

I didn't have an overly interesting week. It was just more working down at the Church History Library, running the Wild Rose Trail, looking for a new job, etc.

I did have some weird dreams. One involved magic wands and Professor Umbridge from the fifth Harry Potter book. In another, my sister-in-law Ya-ping had called my mom, telling her about a sinkhole in their parking lot, and it was saying my nephews' names. I wondered if there might be someone in it or if it was echoing; I was skeptical about it actually talking.

In another one, I had to fill in for a part in a junior high play. The first time, I learned my lines really fast--but the second time, there was a king in the play who hadn't been in the previous night's show, and I didn't know the lines. I had to wear a pink robe thing. My first line was, "Here is some water, your majesty," and although I hadn't been instructed to do so, I kneeled, since I was talking to a king. But I didn't know my next line, and I was hoping either to remember it or inconspicuously look at the paper with my lines on it--and while I was pondering this dilemma, I woke up.

Hmm. I  really don't know what else to write about. I'm feeling a bit cynical tonight. If I wrote more things, I may make people feel bad, cause a controversy, or make people worry about me and ask "Are you OK?" Which I am. So good night.

"Soon we shall all be fifty years older." The Professor

Usually on my blog, I write about things in real life.

But seeing as it's my blog, I have the liberty to write about whatever I want!

Those who know me know that I like 1960s sitcoms. I used to consider them classics, believing that they were superior to modern shows. Now I realize that that isn't the case. But I like them for their campiness, cleanliness, and culture. They tend to be really cheesy, and they are often so bad they're good--sometimes deliberately, sometimes not. They are definitely cleaner than today's shows--there is no swearing, and the few innuendos they have are still cleaner than a lot of today's kid shows. (That is not to say I completely agree with their morals; in 1960s shows, cigarettes are delicious, alcoholism and drunkenness are something to laugh at, and some episodes are mildly to moderately sexist or racist.) And I feel that when I watch them, I get just a little insight into what the world was like back when they said "groovy" and "terrific." (Although I realize that I don't get to see it all, as network censors kept out some of the grittier things. Also, I'm pretty sure there weren't any talking horses, mothers reincarnated as cars, flying nuns, or genie-owning astronauts--but with all the drugs going on, maybe people thought they existed.)

It just so happens that this month marks fifty years of four of the best: Gilligan's Island, Bewitched, The Munsters, and The Addams Family. (It's also fifty years of Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C., but I haven't seen much of that, and I think it was mainly successful because it was a spinoff of the ever-popular Andy Griffith Show.) So in honor of their anniversaries, I'm going to write a little about them!

*****

I often hear one thing repeated about Gilligan's Island, often verbatim: "If the Professor could make a radio out of a coconut, why couldn't he build a raft for them to sail off on?" Sometimes there are variations, but it generally is the same. But all the facts and arguments herein presented are wrong, as I will show.

First of all, the Professor never made a radio out of a coconut. They had a working radio. How else would they know what happened to all the visitors they had? What they needed was a transmitter, which Gilligan destroyed by dropping a pile of logs on it (after he had accidentally thrown it and the radio in the ocean and fish swallowed them).

Second, although coconuts were among the materials used for Professor's inventions, it wasn't the primary one. I would say bamboo was the primary material, although the lie detector used a gourd and the phonograph used the ship's wheel.

Additionally, it wasn't that they couldn't build a raft. In fact, the very first episode (not counting the very different pilot episode) was entitled Two on a Raft, and Skipper and Gilligan went out on a raft they had made. But Professor warned them that it wouldn't work, and he was right; waves and sharks destroyed their little raft.

In the third season, Professor determined that the currents were such that they could safely sail back on a raft. Unfortunately, Dr. Boris Balinkoff, a mad scientist (who had previously switched their bodies around), came on the island and gave them rings that transformed them into his obedient robots. He wanted to use the castaways to rob Fort Knox, so while he was experimenting on them, he didn't want them to leave, so he had them destroy the raft while they were in their robotic trances. By the time he left, the currents had changed again and it was no longer safe to travel on a raft.

Sometimes the argument is changed to "Why couldn't he fix a boat?" or "Why couldn't he build a boat?" In one early episode, they tried to fix the boat using a tree sap glue, since they couldn't make useful nails (their nails were either too brittle, too flexible, or too explosive). They coated the entire S.S. Minnow with the sap, but it didn't hold, so the entire boat fell apart. (It must have dissolved the nails or something.) In one episode, a robot visited the island, and when they asked it to build them a boat, it explained that to build a boat would require a huge amount of materials.

You see? It was a perfectly logical show. ;)

*****

Bewitched is one show that is very predictable and formulaic. A lot of the episodes follow this pattern: Endora is mad at Darrin for some reason, so she casts some nasty spell, which causes him a lot of embarrassment and causes his clients to not want to do business with him. Then Samantha demands that Endora take off the spell. She reluctantly does so, and they explain to Darrin's client that his odd behavior was to prove a point or demonstrate a new campaign.

But despite its predictability and its primitive special effects, I think Bewitched may just well be the best show to come out of the 1960s. I have had multiple roommates enjoy watching it with me, and it's in my top three favorites (the others being Gilligan's Island and Green Acres).

I'm not sure what made it so enjoyable. Maybe it's that we all wish we could solve problems by twitching our nose. Maybe it's that the premise was such that it could utilize a wide array of situations. Maybe it's the cast of characters--in addition to what I would consider the four main characters (Darrin, Samantha, Endora, and Larry Tate), there is a large array of regular characters: Tabitha, Adam, Serena, Uncle Arthur, Maurice, Phyllis and Frank Stevens, Louise Tate, Abner and Gladys Kravitz, Aunt Clara, Esmeralda, and I'm sure I'm missing some, not to mention some of those that appear in just a few episodes.

Bewitched ran for eight seasons and had a good run. The first season had kind of a heartwarming approach, but by the third and fourth seasons, it was full-on sitcom. The last three seasons, with the second Darrin, weren't as good, but they were still passable, even though they recycled earlier episodes.

I'm honestly surprised there have not been more efforts at spinoffs. There was a spinoff about Tabitha in the 70s, and there was the 2005 movie. Tabitha and Adam appeared in an episode of the ABC Saturday Superstar Movie (which, as far as I can tell, was a show to try to get spinoffs), but that was all. Japan did their own version of it. But there have been no genuine remakes, as the movie (which I have never seen) was just about remaking the show.

*****

When discussing The Munsters or The Addams Family, it seems that you can't talk about one without talking about the other. And they are very similar. Both premiered in September 1964. Both ran for two seasons, both of which were in black and white, even though other shows of the era were beginning to use color. Both were about strange families who lived in haunted-looking mansions and delighted in the macabre. Both were loosely based on preexisting material--The Munsters on Universal's monster movies, and The Addams Family on the drawings of Charles Addams. (And both are mentioned in Jan Terri's Halloween song, "Get Down Goblin"!)

But in many ways, the shows were very different. The Munsters were a typical suburban family, with a housekeeping mom, working dad, school-going kid--except that they were monsters. The Addamses, on the other hand, were just altogether ooky, but they were mostly human (Uncle Fester's electricity, Morticia's "smoking," and Cousin Itt's everything notwithstanding). The Munsters sometimes struggled with money, but the Addamses were filthy rich, keeping drawers full of money throughout their house.

Of both shows, I really think The Munsters was the superior show. The jokes were funnier, and because they were a normal family with a twist, the episodes had a lot of flexibility. The Addams Family was more gimmicky; most of the first season episodes follow the same formula, down to the point of reusing the exact same gags over and over. It got a little more creative in the second season, but The Munsters was the more enjoyable show.

Paradoxically, though, more people are probably familiar with The Addams Family because they have seen the movies or another incarnation of it. I haven't seen the movies because they don't fit my standards, but my understanding is that they were decent. As a kid I enjoyed The New Addams Family, even though I had never seen the original. There have also been two Addams Family cartoon series, and now there is a musical. The franchise lends itself well to remakes.

The Munsters, on the other hand, has not had as many remakes, and those that exist are not good. There was The Munsters Today in the late 1980s, and it was just awful. (It's on Hulu if you don't believe me.) The only one I've seen that I think worked was a pilot episode two years ago called Mockingbird Lane--and that was so different that pretty much only the character names were the same. I just think that the original actors, particularly Fred Gwynne (Herman) and Al Lewis (Grandpa), made their characters, so no one will be able to replace them. John Astin (Gomez) and Carolyn Jones (Morticia) were good, but they didn't define the characters, so remakes work for The Addams Family.

*****

Forgive my nerdiness for writing about a topic that so few will care about. At least now I know that people won't care.

Black widows and goatheads

I had a busy week this week.

My ward was helping out with a service project where we were helping to remodel a house for a needy family in a week. It didn't get done, but we did a lot of work.

I feel like I didn't help out as efficiently as I could have, but it's hard when there's a finite amount of tools and space and lots of people. On Tuesday, I helped dig a trench, but it was mostly already dug.

On Wednesday, we were moving a bunch of cinder blocks piled up next to a shed. Peter Moosman told me that there was a black widow on one, so I took a stick and smashed it. Then someone who had gloves went through each individual brick and cleared off the dirt and bugs. Apparently, they found a total of four black widows in the brick pile. There were lots of earwigs, which tend to freak people out. Earwigs don't bother me; mostly I find them funny, and I find people's reaction to them funny. (I also like their etymology; apparently the "ear" comes from people believing they go in people's ears, but the "wig" is not related to fake hair but comes from "wicga," an Old English word for bug.)

After we had moved the blocks, we proceeded to weed the parking strip. There were lots of goathead plants, and if you know me, you know my utter disdain for those plants. Their seeds ("goatheads") have two extremely sharp points, sometimes sharper than most needles, and the seeds are practically indestructible. And each plant creates several long vines that extend for several feet, producing dozens of sharp stars, each star consisting of five goatheads. Of course, the goatheads stick to skin, fur, tires, shoes, everything. Thus they easily reproduce, and they are totally diabolical.

Anyway, I was pulling some goatheads away from a little boulder (my June goathead walks have made me familiar with pulling up the plants). It was a really cool rock; it appeared to be a mix of sandstone and conglomerate. (The other boulders in the parking strip were quartzites [metamorphosed sandstone], so that would make sense.) Anyway, as I was pulling out the goatheads from the base of the rock, another black widow climbed up the rock and rested in a small nook on the rock. I didn't have gloves on, so I became quite nervous about pulling weeds! I borrowed a rake-thing and scared the spider out of its resting spot, then stepped on it once it landed on the ground. It almost got away.

Black widows and goatheads are similar in that they are both attractive but dangerous. Black widows are the prettiest spiders, with their shiny, spherical bodies--no hairy ugliness. Goatheads have cute little leaves with cute yellow flowers, and the seed clusters they produce are perfect five-pointed stars. But despite their attractiveness, they are both evil. Black widows can cause severe sickness (not that they always do), and vulnerable people can die! Goatheads have aggressive reproduction habits, as I already explained, and are very painful. I'd actually say they are worse than black widows. Their effects aren't worse, but they are more common and aggressive, since black widows just hide outside.

On Thursday, I feel I was most productive, shoveling a large pile of dirt that had to be moved with wheelbarrows. Then we had to move a big pile of bricks.

On Friday, I showed up late. I didn't feel terribly productive, so I went to the vacant lot behind the fence of the house--I heard conflicting stories about whether it was part of the property. It was a yard of nightmares, as it was a yard full of goatheads. I think there were more goatheads than any other weed. I spent a good couple of hours, pulling them up, because they don't deserve to exist. And yet I don't feel like I made much of a dent because there were so many. At some point, a friendly old man with a dog walked by and talked a little bit too me. I told him that these were the "worst plants ever," and he said, "I don't have any work pants, because I don't work." He apparently misheard worst plants for work pants.

On Saturday, I didn't work at the house, because instead I was helping my grandparents move. They were moving from their condo in Salt Lake to a smaller one in Centerville. They moved in that condo after they got home from their mission when I was 10. But even though they lived in the condo for a bigger portion of my life, I don't feel as great of an attachment to it as I did for their previous house, which had four levels, a swimming pool, a hot tub, a large deck, a floor that turned purple from the sun, wallpaper with old cars on it, a bathtub with feet, a pool table, an ice cream parlor, and more.

Their new condo is smaller than their old one, and the layout is just plain ridiculous. But they will be a lot closer to us now.

Welcome to September

Labor Day was rather low key this year, and it was a fairly enjoyable day. Part of enjoying it was knowing that it was the first day of September.

I decided to run by, and take pictures of, the landslide that occurred a month ago in North Salt Lake.

It was a big slide, but it wasn't nearly as big as the 1983 slide at Thistle, UT.

If you were to see only the house, you would never expect that it was only slumping ground that destroyed it.

It looks like it was a dollhouse made of cardboard.

I'm kind of hoping that this makes them reconsider future development in the area. NSL has had a bit of a history with landslides. Our house, fortunately, seems to be in a fairly secure place.

This week, I discovered North Salt Lake's Wild Rose Trail. I knew it existed, but this week I actually went on it. It is a super pleasant trail with great views and jaunts through little groves, and it only takes about twenty-five minutes to run the trail. There are already a lot of trees with their leaves turning red, and it's only going to get better. I'm so excited for fall!

Twice this week, I ran past a house where the pet dachshund came out and chased me. I know the family, and they're wonderful people, so I don't know why they would have a dog as annoying as a dachshund. I think the only reason that people like them is because of their looks--and they're not even cute, just interesting. But that wasn't the only dog encounter I had--yesterday, I was at my driveway when I noticed some Alaskan-looking dog chasing me. It didn't look vicious, but I didn't want to find out its motives, and I got in my house's door quicker than usual. These unleashed dogs reminded me why I don't like dogs. Now, for you dog people, I'm not saying dogs are bad. I'm just saying that I personally don't like them. I recognize that dogs can be good companions and that they serve important purposes. Except dachshunds. They're just useless.

I also went to the Utah State Fair with my family for a little bit, which I haven't been to since 1998. I got an overpriced foot-long corn dog, which was much more corn than dog.

I know there were football games this week. I don't care about those, but I like that it is the time of year for football. My work on Thursday did a "tailgate social" and I got a free lunch. I am so excited for cooler temperatures and changing leaves! The last four months of the year are better than the other eight.