July 4, 2011. I awoke in the morning after a poor night's sleep. I slept on the floor because I thought it would be cooler (since my AC was broken), and I always sleep poorly when I know I have to get up early. I got ready for the Freedom Run. I knew that if I ate cereal I would get a side-ache when I went running, but I also knew that if I ate nothing I would get a side-ache. So I had some bread with jam and some slices of red bell pepper. I wore my Freedom Run shirt and my blue shorts. I pinned my running number to my shirt, but I only had one pin, so it was a pretty sloppy and crooked job. I think I turned on the TV and watched some of channel 13's news; they showed the morning traffic while playing Lady Gaga's "Just Dance." My shorts didn't have pockets, so I didn't take keys. I hoped the apartment would be safe unlocked, since there would be so many people around (my apartment overlooked where they had blocked off 700 N). I turned my American flag neon light on. Then I went to Regency to meet the other members of my ward who were participating in the run. David King told me we were home teaching companions, and I wondered how he knew who I was. It seems like Krista Roy shared some inspirational thought or story or something before the race, but I'm not sure. Then we all headed to our starting points. I walked alone to the 5k. I had no idea how fast I run, so I stood by the 10 minute pace. I saw a man on stilts in an Uncle Sam costume. I heard a woman describing seeing a guy with some tight apparel, and then I saw them. There were two of them, wearing Captain America masks, white tights, and Captain America underwear over their clothes. One of them had a huge wig. There were speakers all over playing music. They played "Gives You Hell" by the All-American Rejects (that's who it's by, right?). I don't necessarily consider that song to be swearing in the context, but I nevertheless thought it was an interesting song for such a conservative city as Provo. They played a song that I hadn't heard before, but I thought it was Katy Perry. (I turned out to be right; the song was "Hot 'N Cold.") An announcer told everyone to get in starting positions and said that anyone who wasn't wearing a number was called a "bandit" and was not allowed in the race. I think they played the national anthem, and then the race started. It was pretty slow to get started, just because there were so many people. It didn't take me long to realize that the 10-minute pace was way too slow. I went running on the sidewalk and the grass to get past people. It did get a little faster once we got on University Ave and people were able to spread out more. It was really fun to have all those people who were camped out for the parade cheering for us. There was a water station at a mile, but I didn't stop because it was just a 5k. I remember seeing some people running on the 10k side of University but I didn't know if they were actually in the 10k or not. Then we turned on Center Street, where people continued to cheer and where some people called out to the Captain Americas. Near the roundabout at 700 E there was another water station and I was shocked at how much litter there was from people who would drink and throw the cup on the ground. Obviously there was a lot of water on the ground too. When I turned on 900 E, I was dismayed at how far I still had to go--and it was all uphill! There was a man standing in his yard, spraying water toward the edge of the road. I was surprised more people didn't run through it; I was very appreciative of it. (It was, after all, a sunny and somewhat muggy July day.) When I turned on 820 N, getting close to the finish line, I heard a father tell his daughter she couldn't walk because they were almost at the end. I had to avoid stepping on some vomit. At the final stretch toward the finish line, a lot of people passed me, because I didn't care to run any faster, even though I was at the end. I got some great satisfaction as I crossed the finish line. A Ke$ha song was playing on the speakers. I stopped to get my time card cut off of my shoe. Volunteers gave me a finishing medal and a blue water bottle. I went to one of the barrels to get my bottle filled up with lemon-lime Powerade. I wondered if the bottles had been washed. I think I had some oranges, bananas, and bread. I met other members of my ward, including Kayla Fuge, who I didn't know was running the race. We had a picture taken. People talked about their times, and talked about how some 10k-ers had started coming in when they were finishing the 5k! I talked with a member of my ward as I walked back to my apartment. At this point the only people still finishing the 5k were old people. Members of my ward were going swimming at the Regency pool, so I went home, took a quick rinse shower, and changed into my swimsuit. I felt dumb when I showed up at the pool with my towel, since no one else had one. The pool was also closed. My old roommate Tristram was there, and he and Jason Loong told me I should go in anyway, since someone had hopped over and unlocked the gate. So I did get in, trying to avoid all the bugs and debris in the water. Then I went back to my apartment. The Awful Waffle was enjoying some holiday business from all the people who had done the run. I took another shower, changed into my patriotic Snoopy shirt, ate some cereal, and met outside at Pickup Place to go to the parade. I texted Kayla and asked her if she was going to the parade. She texted back, saying she didn't have me saved in her phone. When she got to Pickup, I told her I wasn't her home teacher anymore. We walked down 700 N to go to the parade. We picked out a spot to watch, near a house where tons of people were watching from the roof. We saw Stormtroopers and friends,
undertakers,
Cecil,
our stake president, President Todd,
and the Provo Utah Mission.
We didn't stay for the whole parade, so we walked back on 700 N. I'd driven on 700 N many times, but I'd never walked there before, and it was a new experience. I think I was quite thirsty, so I stopped at my apartment and got a drink. Then I sat with Tristram, Krista, and someone else outside of South End Market. They were wanting to have a pancake breakfast. I told them that there was a lot of pancake mix in my apartment that I could donate. When the store was finally opened, Tristram bought a giant donut with chocolate frosting and red, white, and blue sprinkles. I had been coveting that donut, but I figured it was better him than me, especially since I had some patriotic brownies and patriotic animal cookies in my apartment that I had to finish that day. I think Krista bought a watermelon, saying she'd never bought one before. She bought some pancake mix in case I didn't have a lot--but it turned out I did have a lot, and I took it to the Regency apartment where they had the pancake breakfast. I remember Kat going over to Kayla's apartment, calling out "Kayla Fuge." That was the first time I had ever heard Kayla's last name pronounced. I talked to Tristram at the breakfast, and he said he hadn't realized that I had run the 5k that morning. I told him how it was my first organized run, and how I didn't run faster than I do for a normal run, and how I was surprised that it was harder than I expected, since I usually run more than a 5k but I usually end downhill instead of uphill. Tristram talked about seeing a concert a few nights earlier that had musicians covering Abbey Road, and I told him that I had heard that one of my favorite singers, Cherie Call, had been one of the opening acts. Immediately after the breakfast there was a real pool party, so I had to go back to my apartment and change into my swimming suit again. It turned out to be a bit awkward, because I'm not too social, and I couldn't see anyone without my glasses. I noticed that one guy just stripped to his compression shorts as a swimsuit. Some people were eating watermelon in the pool. Everyone else played a catching game in the pool, but I can't catch, especially when I'm not wearing any glasses. I sort of tried to pretend that I was playing, but I really wasn't. Jimmy Murphy invited me to play but I didn't want to. Later they played a game in which everyone lined up on one side of the pool and picked a color, and one person, who was "it," would stand at the edge of the pool and call out colors. Anyone who picked that color had to swim to the other side of the pool, and the person who was "it" had to try to catch the swimming people. Since I can't really swim, I stayed as far as possible from the end of the pool and tried to pick as obscure a color as the rules allowed. At one point compression-shorts guy became "it," and as he got out he said sheepishly, "I may or may not be wearing an inappropriate swimsuit." There were some cat calls. At one point my color did get called, so I tried to swim to the other side. There were some laughs and the "it" person didn't try to catch me. I don't know if the laughs were because I was too far away for "it" to catch, or if the laughs were because I was a ridiculous swimmer. Later I overheard Tristram and some others looking at Regency's siding and talking about a spider. I asked what they were talking about, and they said that there was a giant black widow that supposedly lived there. Tristram had seen it before, when he was with some guy associated with Regency. I left and went back to my apartment and showered yet again. Then I think I went on the computer, while listening to my shuffle playlist. I remember my new Owl City songs playing, as well as Lady Gaga's "Born This Way." I found the Freedom Run results, and posted the link on Kayla's wall on Facebook. I finished my Fourth of July goodies, and I might have done some reading for class, but I can't remember. I watched Peanuts Motion Comics Collection: "Independence Day." Then there was a ward barbecue at Regency, and I went to that. They had brought some of the pool chairs over to the barbecue area. For music, they were playing an interesting mix of punk rock and Taylor Swift. I think one of the punk songs was a Justin Bieber cover. I ate too much but there was a lot of good food. Mostly I just sat awkwardly on one of the pool chairs, but I did try to talk to some people. I think my attempted conversations with David King and Phil went nowhere. Jennifer Blanchard, who had previously been in our ward, walked by, and we waved (she had moved into another Regency building). I remember talking to Emily Farris about how I had to drink from a bottle of water, even though I had been resisting (since I don't believe in bottled water), since I don't drink soda and I was very thirsty. I talked to Katy Winston. Some people started playing some hip-hop music, and Devin and some others were dancing to it, and Jason Loong said he hoped the song was edited, and they assured him it was. (Maybe it wasn't Jason.) Then some of the guys were climbing up the railings to the top level. Then that night ward members lit off fireworks on 750 N, right outside my complex. There were lots of people who tried to come on 750 N but they had to turn around because of the fireworks. Some people just drove through. There were extra chips left over from the barbecue; I had my share of lime tortilla chips. I realized that I am a fraidy cat--I got really nervous when fireworks were going off near people. I watched at a safe distance in the parking lot, and even from that distance I kept running back away from the fireworks. I was surprised that other people weren't worried. Some ground bloomers made their way to groups of people and went off next to them, and Tristram and others just laughed at that--didn't seem worried at all. Some people pretended like they had Harry Potter wands and shot sparks at each other; there were some shirt and skin burns. Jimmy talked to me about how I should sleep in his apartment because he had an extra bed and my AC was out. Tristram was talking to someone about the Captain Americas at the parade. He told a story that on a previous Freedom Run, a man near the front of the race was dressed in sweats, and just before the race started, he stripped them off, revealing that he was a bodybuilder, and he ran in an American flag Speedo. Tristram was surprised that the man got a really good time, since bodybuilders usually aren't good runners. Since I had classes the next day, I went to get ready for bed. I got in my patriotic Peanuts shirt that I use to sleep in (since it's way too big to wear regularly) and my sleeping shorts (also too big to wear regularly) and made a Facebook status for the end of the day: "Best Fourth of July ever." When I made that post, the ads on the side said, "Related to your post," and had patriotic pages that Jessica Penix (a convert I'm Facebook friends with) liked. I took my sheets down to apartment 4, and I went out and told Jimmy that I was going to take him up on his offer. I took one pillow with the Fourth of July Peanuts pillowcase, and thought about how it would be the last time I would use that pillowcase for a year.
October 31, 2011. I elected not to listen to a CD on my way to work in the hopes that the radio would play some Halloween-themed music, but it was not to be. I think someone wrote "Happy Halloween" on the whiteboard at work. We went to morning devotional, and there was girl in a Snow White costume offering "poison apples"--an apple slice with some sort of sauce or covering. They were weird and watery. My coworker Richie took one, but then he said to me it looked gross. Some workers from another department did a dance to Michael Jackson's "Thriller." It was one of those situations that's really awkward and you think, "Who thought this was a good idea?" After devotional was over, I noticed that one of the prominent men from another department was wearing a Peanuts Halloween shirt. I was too, although mine was significantly more Halloweeny. At lunch break, I was talking to my coworkers. I think we talked about the radio and Michelle said that in her car she had a CD that had songs like "Purple People Eater." I told her I was sick of CDs like that. The swing shift came in early so that we could finish up our work earlier. Distribution provided donuts and apple cider for us. I didn't drink any cider, but those who did said it was warm. I was relieved to see that some of the donuts had orange and black sprinkles, which meant I could eat them. I had two. Some of the frosting kept falling on the floor, so I had to pick it up with a napkin. I left work about 4:00. My parents went to Papa Murphy's to pick up a jack-o-lantern pizza. Nan, Matt, and Allie came over, and we were sitting in the living room. Nan said I should get my Nightmare Before Christmas CD so we could listen to it. Allie wanted to look at it and pay attention because she thought her friend Katy might have danced to an Oogie Boogie song. (I don't know, but my guess is that Katy had danced to "Boogie Woogie," not "Oogie Boogie.") My parents came home, and they had bought not only Papa Murphy's but Arctic Circle as well, getting me a pumpkin shake. I got in my costume--a black and red, skull-covered t-shirt; red shorts; a black and red cape; my red Vans; and fangs. Nan, Matt, and I went trick-or-treating with Allie. I went up to the doors with Allie. First we went to Liberty. We stopped at "Preston's" house--Preston being the dog Brother Moore owned. We stopped at the yellow house, and the man asked if he needed to give one or two treats (he didn't know if I wanted one). I told him just one. Then we went to the Ulmers, and Laura gave a bag of candy to Allie and to me. I asked Nan and Matt if they wanted the candy (since none of it was seasonal), and they told me I could just put it in Allie's bag. We went to a house across from the Ulmers, and then we went to the Andersons'. Austin was sitting on his stairs, giving out candy. We talked to Madi, who had just arrived home. She lost her keys. She talked about going to a dance with a socially awkward Mormon boy. Then we went on Independence, and Allie ran into her friends Katy and Mia Brunner. For a time she just went up to doors with them. We talked to Bryce Brunner while all the girls were trick-or-treating. When they were crossing to the Nielsens', Mia tripped. She got up, and I picked up some candy she had dropped and gave it to her. Then the girls parted ways, but Allie no longer cared to have me go to doors with her. Our last stop was at Susanne's friend Shan's house. Allie and Nan went to the door while Matt and I stood on the sidewalk. We talked about the crickets chirping and about how it was a warm Halloween. Shan said hi to us from the doorstep, and she said that I wore the same costume the year before. I told her it was a little different (the year before I wore a suit, not shorts and a t-shirt), and Nan told her something about my shoes. Shan asked to see my shoes, so I lifted my feet up. Then we went home, and Matt and Nan and Allie went home. I went downstairs to watch The Munsters' Revenge. I ate part of my pumpkin milkshake (saving the rest for the next day, since it would still be in season) and ate Halloween marshmallows and maybe some Halloween Nerds.
November 24, 2011. I woke up and went out to the kitchen, where my mom had very kindly made pumpkin muffins for Thanksgiving breakfast. It seems like they were very crumbly. I ate them while I was reading the paper and my dad was watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on TV. Then we loaded up the pies my mom had made into the Rav, and went to my grandparents' house. We unloaded the pies and we were the first ones there, so we helped set up tables and chairs. We had brought turkey dishes and put cranberry sauce in them. We had brought canned cranberry sauce but my grandma had some that was fresh. Then I asked how else I could help but my grandma said the kitchen was too small for me to help in there, but I was put to work setting out dishes and silverware. They used Twelve Days of Christmas glasses. I found this inappropriate, but didn't say anything. Matt, Nan, and Allie arrived, and the first thing Allie said was, "Christmas glasses? Seriously?" I asked her why she said that, since just a few days earlier she had reprimanded me for being annoyed at some pre-Thanksgiving Christmas thing. Then she went around to try to find all twelve days on the glasses. Sue brought a large bag of bulk candy corn, since the little Rice Krispies turkeys my mom had made had Christmas candy corn in them instead of regular candy corn. Jesse and Lisa came and Jesse asked if I was annoyed that my grandparents had already put up Christmas decorations on top of their garage, and I said I was. Then everyone asked me, "Would you rather have Grandpa put it up tomorrow when it's snowing?!" and Nan said something about how Grandpa should have asked someone else to do it. Jesse said it was funny that he was the one who brought it up but everyone attacked me. After everyone arrived, someone said how baby Nathan was cute and Chancey said that he takes after his mom. Nicole didn't hear what he said, and Sue told her that he was actually complimenting her. Sue and Nicole talked about how Nathan already had a sense of stranger danger. Nathan was being quite smiley, and Lisa took pictures. We had dinner, and after dinner Rhiannon was talking about her obsession with Justin Bieber. I told about how earlier in the year I had seen a thing that said, "Lady Gaga's ignoring her telephone, Katy Perry's living her teenage dream, [someone else is doing something else], and Justin Bieber's having a baby." Rhiannon emphatically said, "That's not true!" During another conversation Jesse said, "Remember how Chancey tried to run away at the wedding?" and my mom said "'Cause he was hungry." I took some of Sue's candy corns and put them in one of the Rice Krispies turkeys. Then we all went upstairs to see pictures of the trip my grandparents had taken to see my cousin Shane's family. The TV was on (because of football) and there was a commercial advertising some musical event, an event that included Katy Perry and Lady Gaga, and they showed clips from the "Last Friday Night" and "Edge of Glory" music videos. We watched the picture slideshow of my cousin's family, and then after that there was a thing on TV with Enrique Iglesias; he sang "I Like It," but it was in a lower key than his recorded version. Later we had pies. Peter put a large amount of whipped cream on his. I said, "Holy Roman Empire," and he and Jesse both thought that was quite funny. I said to my mom that I didn't mean any offense; I was just making an observation that the pecan pies were more like soup. Sue said that she liked the soupiness but she didn't like pecans. Then we went home. I ate some more pie while watching A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. When it was over, I turned it off, and then turned the TV on, and the TV was showing the end of the same special. My dad thought the movie had somehow rewound itself and started playing again, but then he realized it was just on the TV. Then I changed the channel to Fox because a new special, Happiness Is a Warm Blanket, Charlie Brown, was going to be on. I watched it while doing situps. Fox kept advertising that the next show was a Christmas episode of The Simpsons featuring Katy Perry (in live action). (That's Fox for you, trying to entice little kids into their evil programming...). As soon as the special was over, the Simpsons episode started; it had Springfield's cooling towers with red and white stripes. I turned off the TV and we said family prayer. Then I went upstairs and turned on my Thanksgiving music for one last time and updated information for Happiness Is a Warm Blanket, Charlie Brown on TV.com.
December 25, 2011. I had slept downstairs, and Nan, Matt, and Allie all came. We went upstairs to look at what we got. My stocking was full of school supplies. In my mom's stocking was a Celtic Woman CD and my dad also got her the movie Cats and Dogs. Allie had made a card with a picture of Jenny, our cat, underneath the Christmas tree for my dad. I had three presents from my parents. The first one I knew was a CD before I opened it; it was the Black Eyed Peas' album The Beginning. I told my mom that I was worried; I had debated taking the Black Eyed Peas off of my music wish list because I worried that the album would be inappropriate. Nan asked what it was; when I told her, she said it would have some good songs, and told me I could give it to her if I didn't want it. Another gift was Taylor Swift's album Speak Now, but it was better disguised than the other CD. Another gift was a GPS--a boring gift but a practical one. My sister got me a ball in which you put ice and salt and ice cream ingredients and which you roll around to make ice cream. I got Allie a set of Anne of Green Gables books. I got Nan and Matt an orange wastebasket and soap dispenser for their bathroom. I got my mom the Book of Mormon institute manual and a Wii game; when Nan and Matt asked what it was, she just showed the game. I got my dad the last Harry Potter movie on Blu-Ray. The final gift was a treasure hunt; we ended up in the garage, and my sister laughed heartily at the toilet (decked with a large bow). My mom wanted to read the Christmas story, so she did. Matt asked Allie if she was paying attention, even though he and Nan were just looking down the whole time. My mom told Allie her own speculation about being among the heavenly host. Then she told the part that always gets overlooked; I think she told it for my sake. She told Allie that when Jesus was eight days old, Mary and Joseph took Jesus to the temple to be circumcised (she just said it was like a baby blessing), and then she talked about Simeon and Anna. I went and did my own scripture study, and then I went online to look up the lyrics for my new Black Eyed Peas songs. I found that exactly half of the songs fit my standards. Matt was surprised it wasn't edited, but my standards are higher than the radio's. He said we could edit it. Nan said being able to listen to half of the songs was pretty good. Nan, Matt, and Allie left, and my parents and I went to church. We had to sit near the back. They read parts of the Christmas story, and then they read a long passage from A Christmas Carol, in which Jacob Marley talks about how he has to wander the earth with the chains he forged in life. It was a very long passage, and one that had little or no doctrinal significance. Then they told a story of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, and the ward choir sang "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day." They had a piano/organ duet for the closing hymn. Sacrament meeting went long, which was OK by me since there was no block. We went home and put sprinkles on the Sunday pie my mom had made. She put the jimmies-type sprinkles on, and then the red and green sugar kind. She was reluctant about putting blue on, but was pleased with the result. She was a little disappointed that the crumbs kind of spoiled the Christmassy effect. We got in the car to go to my grandparents' for dinner. I told my mom that I didn't like sacrament meeting, because I found the Dickens and Longfellow stories inappropriate, especially the Dickens one, and especially since they didn't even mention Book of Mormon Christmas stories or the story of Simeon and Anna. My mom said that not only that, the ward choir was subpar that day. We got to my grandparents', and Jesse was wearing a t-shirt I had given him in 2005 that was based on A Charlie Brown Christmas. I told him it was inaccurate because Marcie, Franklin, Woodstock, and maybe even Peppermint Patty didn't even exist when A Charlie Brown Christmas was made. Jesse told Lisa I always noticed things like that, which I didn't think was quite true. After dinner, I heard my mom talking about how she got my GPS by using points by using her American Express card. I said, "Does that mean that you didn't spend any money on my biggest present?" and Sue said yes. Jesse asked what the woman at the store was talking about, referring to my Facebook status (from the day before) in which I said, "Today at the grocery store, I overheard a lady say, 'If I try it once, the cat will pretend to like it.'" My mom said it was funny because we weren't in a pet food aisle, and said that I said to her, "Did she say what I think she said?" We went upstairs to play Wii. It was me, Peter, Jesse, and Lisa. When the TV came on, it was showing the commercial of the hamsters dancing to "Party Rock Anthem." Quin wanted to play but was outvoted. There was some problem with remotes but we got it straightened out. We opted to play twenty rounds, which turned out way too long. Lisa chose to be one of the princesses (I can't remember if it was Peach or Daisy) and I chose to be Birdo. Peter said, "You're being a girl?" but I told him that he was a boy who thought he was a girl. I was consistently the worst player, but I got some good luck. There was one game I dominated, one in which we had to climb up a rope while dodging falling objects. While we were playing, we were talking about giving the name Wallace to Nathan. Chancey, Nicole, and Nathan arrived, and Quin said he was going to go see Wallace. He brought him back upstairs. At one point I managed to steal Lisa's star, and she didn't want to play anymore (she was more interested in reading), so Quin took her place. I ended up winning the game. Then we went downstairs for dessert. I noticed that the blue sugars on the Sunday pie had dissolved faster than the red and green. While we had been upstairs, Joey was talking to my family about gambling, saying it would be good for Utah's economy, and that the lottery would make teachers' salaries bigger. They didn't buy that. My grandpa told Joey all about how he had been a big gambler, and told Joey to watch out. The Wallace issue came up. Joey said, "Why don't you just call him Louis?" Joey said it was dumb to call him a name from a TV show. My mom pointed out that Chancey's name came from a book. Sue brought up that Wallace is Shane's middle name. I said that either Nathan went by the middle name of his first-cousin-once-removed, who lives in Texas, or else he went by a variation of the first name of his second cousin (Nathaniel), who was just over a year older. Other conversation topics included that my cousins said that if they were in an accident in which someone died, they'd never drive again, and my aunt pointed out that my grandma had been in such an accident, and Jesse said something about how she brought up a sensitive subject on Christmas. Sue also talked about how Joey believed drinking was good for you, and I said that I noticed that his belly didn't used to be that big. Sue said I should have told him that, because that would have been something he actually cared about. Then we went home and watched It's a Wonderful Life. I got ready for bed and got into bed, turned on my Christmas Sunday music, and wrote a blog post.
December 31, 2011. I got up and decided not to go running because I could go running anytime, but I got to see my nephews so rarely. I took a shower and got dressed. I went out to the living room, where Franklin was playing. David was having breakfast with his friends in the kitchen. Baby was in there with them, of course watching the "Uh Huh" video a million times on the iPod. At one time Dave's friend Preston asked Baby which character he liked. Franklin went in the kitchen and David asked him, "Do you know what his name is?" referring to his friend Preston. I asked Franklin if he knew who I was. He didn't give me a direct answer. I asked him, "Am I Uncle Mark?" and he said yes. He was playing with the suction cup darts that stick to the wall. He managed to get one pretty high on the wall, and said, "That was awesome! Look, Uncle Mark!" David's friends thought it was funny that he said "That was awesome!" My mom and Ya-ping came home. Ya-ping had bought me a pan for making Christmas cookies as a late Christmas present. I noticed that the Cherie Call CD my mom had bought from DI the night before, The Ocean in Me, was playing on the stereo. Later I found out that my mom hadn't turned it on, so I don't know who did. Michael Bishop had a ridiculous hairstyle and a Jack Skellington belt buckle. He hugged everyone, including me and my dad, which was really awkward, since I inherit my aversion to hugs from my dad. My mom talked to Holly about Hugo. All of Dave's friends left, but (big) Preston stayed later than the rest of them. (Big) Preston talked about how he was still Facebook friends with Michael's ex-wife and that she talked bad about him. The boys played with Play-Doh, and (little) Preston was pretty creative:
Sometime during this day--I can't remember if it was before or after the Play-Doh--Preston and Franklin were playing with the darts by throwing them from the top of the stairs to the front door. For a while I was picking Franklin up so that he could reach the darts, but then I just started getting them myself. Preston started to throw them high. Once he hit the light fixture, and the glass covering the light bulb dangled precariously. My dad went and got the ladder and put the glass back in place. He had me turn the light on before he came down so we could know if it still worked. I told Preston not to throw the dart so high, but in typical Preston fashion he did later anyway. Fortunately there were no more light incidents, and he started throwing the darts to the side. He got them really high. [Allie came and joined in on the fun; at one point, a dart fell off the wall and she caught it, proclaiming, "Caught red handed!" Susanne heard her and commented about it; I went to ask Allie if she had said "right handed" or "red handed." She didn't seem to understand what I was asking, so I dropped trying to correct her idiomatic usage.] My parents and Ya-ping and I went out shopping. I took a candy cane from the candy dish and ate it in the car. We went to Barnes and Noble so my dad could pick up a book. We went to Centerville so Ya-ping could get a phone. While they were at the phone store, my dad and I went to Seagull Book so I could get a present for the boys. I wanted to get them Scripture Scouts but they only had the Book of Mormon one, which the boys already had. My dad and I looked around while we waited for the women to get back; I was very intrigued by a book about evolution (which included the BYU Evolution Packet). I was surprised Seagull still had plush turkeys they couldn't get rid of. I got the MoTab/Brian Stokes Mitchell album Ring Christmas Bells for just six dollars. Ya-ping got pictures of Jesus for the boys. We went to the dollar store to look for picture frames. I remember looking at all the clearance candy canes. At the checkout, there was an old lady who was looking for something to attach to her glasses (like Urkel). Then we went to Deseret Book. We looked at their Christmas CDs. They had people like Mindy Gledhill and Eclipse, but sadly they didn't have Cherie Call's Christmas album. My mom bought a Bad Guys in the Book of Mormon for Preston. I found the Scripture Scouts New Testament set. We bought our items separately and then went home. When we got home, my mom gave Preston his book and he was excited. Later, everyone arrived for a party. There were lots of goodies: chips and dip, crackers, and candies. Susanne brought party supplies, and then unscrupulously brought in another surprise: their dog Buddy. Baby was scared of Buddy and kept saying, "Uh oh! Goggy!" Baby begged for some candy. I broke off a small piece of a peppermint white chocolate ball. He later begged Sue, and she gave him a whole one. Ya-ping asked me to fill out captions for the Jesus pictures for the boys. Then we filled up our ice cream balls (I had one, Nan had one, and Dave had one)--two had yogurt and one had juice. We went downstairs to roll them around and watch Happy New Year Charlie Brown. It was very noisy so I eventually stopped the show. People asked why I stopped it and I said it was too noisy; David said, "It's not like you haven't seen this a million times," and I scowled at him. Ya-ping thought the balls were leaking, but it was just condensation. I went upstairs to get wooden spoons to scrape the contents out once they were done. I was really annoyed, because it was hard to scrape off. Buddy was running around, so I had to keep the lid to the frozen yogurt on my knee so that Buddy wouldn't lick it. But eventually the lid fell off my knee and onto the carpet; we had to get a wet dish towel to wipe up the carpet. At one point my dad suggested getting a fork or metal spoon to scrape off the frozen stuff, but that would damage the metal container. I heard Allie say "don't worry" or some other phrase that was irrelevant to her discussion, and I said to Nan, "Your daughter has a very interesting idiolect." Allie blew a raspberry over me, and Nan got mad at her. I said, "I didn't expect to get a shower," and Allie seemed embarrassed she had to apologize. Later I told her I wasn't meaning to sound mean, and she didn't know what I was talking about, but her mom said to her, "When you spit on him." After we had eaten our fill, I turned Happy New Year, Charlie Brown back on. My mom and Sue wanted me to restart it. Chancey and Nicole came (Sue had already brought Wallace) and called and asked if we wanted pizza before they came (we declined). We decided to play rummy. While we were playing, Peter called because he was locked out of the house. Nicole started watching us play but eventually went over to the couch and slept. Before we started playing, I volunteered to get music to listen to. I brought my laptop down, and asked if people would rather listen to my 2011 music, or my New Year music, or my regular music. They had no opinion, so I played my regular music. I first started off with "Fashion Beats" by the Black Eyed Peas--I hadn't heard it before, and I thought it just kept going on and on. Then I had my playlist on shuffle and let it play what it would. It played "Miles" by Christina Perri, and my mom said, "Oh, this is...Perri," and I said, "Yeah, it's Christina Perri." Chancey said, "Are you sure it's not Katy Perry?" I said no, and Chancey said, "Mark's like, 'No, that stuff's too crazy for me.'" An Owl City song came on, and Chancey asked about it, and I told him who it was. "Believe" by Cherie Call came on, and later so did "Photographs," which pleased my mom. "Yellow" by Coldplay, "Healing Waters" by Michelle Tumes, and "Someday" by the Black Eyed Peas also played. All was fine until "The Time (Dirty Bit)" by the Black Eyed Peas came on. My mom was out of the room at this point. It started skipping, and Sue said, "Uh oh, Mark," but Quin told her it was part of the song. David asked me if I really liked the song. I said yes, and he said, "Really. That surprises me." My mom came back in the room, and David told me he had no problems with my music until that song. Sue said that we (me and some of her boys) liked egocentric music. David said, "Egocentric?" and I figured out she meant "eccentric." David asked who the artist was, and when I told him the Black Eyed Peas, he said, "Did you see their halftime show at the Superbowl?" Then he started talking about how bad it was and how a high school did a better job. But any negative feelings they had toward my music were erased when everyone started singing along to the Beatles. Allie and Preston were staying up, but Allie was tired and wanted to go to bed. My mom said that was a good idea, especially since we had church the next morning. It was said that maybe next year she could stay up till midnight, and it was pointed out that next year New Year's wouldn't be on a Sunday. We eventually stopped playing when it was close to midnight. My mom asked if we wanted to use our noisemakers, but I said we probably shouldn't since kids were sleeping, and Chancey pointed out that his wife and baby were too. We turned on the TV and I was dismayed that there was no local coverage; it was all tape-delayed nonsense. We settled on "Dick Clark's New Year's Rocking Eve" (or whatever it's called), and Ryan Seacrest was interviewing Justin Bieber and Hot Chelle Rae. At a minute to midnight, they cut to footage of Lady Gaga and someone else pressing the button to lower the ball. I set my phone alarm to midnight, and we counted down until it wasJanuary 1, 2012. I was disappointed to find that I had forgotten that I left my phone just on vibrate, so it didn't make noise (other than vibrating). Chancey made a Facebook status on his phone and it said that he made it near "Oakleaf." That surprised him (and it surprised me, too). A man on TV asked Lady Gaga what she was wearing (some sort of mask and other strange outfit), and Chancey said, "Lady Gaga is so weird." I said, "Yeah, but she's one talented singer." He said, "Yeah, she sings like no other, but she's crazy, with all those masks and stuff she wears." Dick Clark was on TV with slurred speech and my mom and my aunt said, "Why do they show that?" because it was sad. There was a woman on TV and David said she was evil because she was a former Playboy model and spoke out against vaccines for children because she thought they caused autism, even though a study disproved that. A big conversation ensued in which my mom and Sue said it was inappropriate to call her evil. At one point Sue was almost yelling at David saying, "I know you think I'm stupid. I am not stupid." After she had left, David said he was annoyed that if I had said she was evil (since I say things like that all the time), there would not have been such a hubbub. David said to Preston, "Time for bed," and Preston said no. I took a shower and went to bed. When I got up in the morning, I put on my calendar tie. Preston wasn't feeling well, so we all went to church without David and Preston. We had to sit in one of the overflows. Baby and Franklin didn't want to sit with me. Franklin was playing with the Superman toy he got for Christmas. At one point Ya-ping had to take Franklin out, but Baby didn't like that. I took Baby out, trying to find Ya-ping. I made it halfway around the church hall, and when I got to the other side, I was surprised to see David sitting in the foyer with Preston, who was not happy. David took Baby, and I went back in and sat down. Ya-ping and my mom asked me where Baby was, and I told them he was with David. They were both surprised that David was there. Hillary Ulmer was giving her homecoming talk. I think she said that she served in the Washington Spokane Mission but she was never actually in Spokane. At one point she said a phrase in some native Mexican language one of her investigators knew. I felt bad I wasn't able to pay more attention to her talk, due to my distracting nephews. David came in at some point and gave Baby back to us. He left after sacrament meeting. After sacrament meeting, Ya-ping took Baby down to nursery. I picked up Franklin's Superman and put it in my pocket. I asked Hillary if she needed a ride to Provo that week, and she didn't know. I went to gospel doctrine in the chapel. I sat on the left side, and they passed out Book of Mormon class member study guides, as well as the stake Priesthood/Relief Society lessons for the rest of the year. After the block was over I went downstairs to meet up with my family members. Diane Bean came up to me and told me I should call Nathan. I asked "Nathan?" several times, thinking she perhaps meant Jaydon. I found out she actually thought I was David, which confused me, since she had seen me since I had been home. Franklin told Ya-ping he wanted Superman, so I pulled the toy out of my pocket and gave it to him. That afternoon I went downstairs to write a blog post. David, Allie, and Franklin were in there playing Mario Kart on the Wii. I finished up my blog and texted Jesse that I had just posted it. My mom was reading my blog when I realized that I had written "2011" when I meant "2012." I panicked and asked her if I could change it. I texted Jesse and told him not to read until I fixed it. David laughed at me because he often makes the same mistake. I think I played some Mario Kart too, but I was very bad. I got an egg nog Creamie and watched Rudolph's Shiny New Year. Family arrived and we had Hawaiian haystacks for dinner; family members were also offered some of the frozen yogurt from the night before. I recorded Baby singing along to the "Uh huh" video, but sadly my camera batteries died just before he finished:
I tried to get other videos, but none were as successful. The boys had fun sticking the darts on my Grandpa's head:
February 14, 2012. I wore my Snoopy Valentine t-shirt and red Vans and went to classes. First I had my geology lab. We were having a quiz on sedimentary rocks, so we were standing outside the classroom, waiting for the TA to set up the quiz. I remember someone was talking to my classmate James about how he was wearing red shorts, and he told her he was a warm individual, which is why he wears shorts in the winter. We went in for our quiz; the first one I put down as chert. After the quiz, the TA went over the answers. When he said the first one was chert, James was dismayed and said, "I put down travertine!" (We later found out that the TA had been wrong, and it was in fact travertine.) The TA told us that he picked an obvious siltstone sample because he didn't want people to have to bite rocks on the quiz (to distinguish between shale and siltstone). Then the TA pulled out the metamorphic rocks for us to study (after we had learned about them). I asked him how we can know if a rock was metamorphosed by pressure and temperature or by minerals seeping in; he said it was a good question but couldn't answer it. I found a piece of quartzite with some red in it; I asked him if it was K-Feldspar, and he said yes, so I asked him if it came from arkose, and he said yes again. While we were looking at the metamorphic, he was reviewing the sedimentary with someone. I was a little annoyed because I would have liked for him to be more actively involved in helping us learn the metamorphic. After that I went to devotional in the JSB. I sat on the left side of the auditorium. The speaker talked about love, but I don't remember what he said. I remember seeing people with candy, and I was sad no one gave me any candy. Then I went to my D&C class. Our professor said, "Happy Valentine's Day!" and someone said it was "Singles Awareness Day." A girl said emphatically, "No, it's Valentine's Day." We had to do mini group presentations; I gave the historical background about the first missionary trip to preach to the Lamanites, and how it converted Sidney Rigdon and a lot of people at Kirtland, Ohio. A kid in my group talked about how he hadn't been on a mission but was going on one. Then I had my geology class; I doodled a heart on my notes. I practiced piano and went home, seeing all the people with Valentine gifts on the way, and seeing the gift stand set up across the street from my apartment. I was music fasting that day, so I didn't listen to music when I stretched to go running. I wore my red shorts and my light green shirt. I had a successful run (I think 46 minutes) and then I came home. Even though I was music fasting, I did listen to my six Valentine songs while I did pushups and situps. Then I ate the end of my conversation hearts while watching Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown on my computer. I was feeling a little sad that I had no more candy, but then my roommate Bryton came home from babysitting his nephews. He told me he had candy that I could eat. I saw the chocolate candy he put on his desk, and told him I could eat the mini Snickers (in the Valentine wrapper), but that the others weren't seasonal. He pointed out that there was a little jar full of cinnamon lips that I could have (I hadn't noticed them), since he didn't like candy like that. I ate the Snickers and then I went to work on the lips. It was after 9:00, but since I only had that night to eat Valentine candy, I successfully ate the whole jar. Bryton wondered if his mom (who had sent him all the candy) wanted the lid back, since it had a little foam decoration that said "Love" on it.
Saturday, March 17, 2012. I got up in the morning and got into my clothes--green pants, green Snoopy shirt, green glasses, green socks, and shoes with green on them--and went and ate breakfast. I asked my dad if he was coming to the parade with me and my mom; he said he was debating. I went and read Jacob 5 for my scripture study, and when I was done, it was almost 9:00, so I went to wake up my mom. She felt bad she had slept so late. She wore a light green shirt, and she didn't like my varying shades of green. My dad decided to go with us and he wore a greenish plaid shirt. We took "my" car--since it was green. When we got in, the radio was playing "Santeria" by Sublime; I wondered if my parents remembered it from when my brother used to listen to it. I tried to be talking over the swearing part. We got on the freeway and then got off; while we were stopped at the light, "Part of Me" came on the radio. I said, "I downloaded this song," and my mom said, "Who is this?" and I told her Katy Perry. We went and parked in a parking lot; on our way, we saw lots of parade goers--including weird kilt people--and people taking orange juice to some homeless event. We went to the Gateway where the parade was going to be. I thought it was weird people had brought their dogs. I was impressed with the paintings on the street, and talked about how they painted the street when I went to the parade when I was seven:
He started singing along to "Wocky Woad Santa." I pointed out that Jan Terri was all bundled up but there was no snow outside; he said he noticed the same thing. I told him how one comment was "Where can I get a Jan Terri action figure?" at the part with the trolls, and he laughed. Later the Camerons were watching a movie but I studied. Bryton came home and he saw my regular glasses on my desk and asked if I got new glasses. I told him I was just wearing the ones I had on for the day; he noticed they were green and was surprised. Later I got behind him and pinched his neck. He said, "What was that?" He thought there was a bug on him, but I told him that he wasn't wearing green. I took a shower and went to bed.
April 8, 2012. I had a rough night sleeping, feeling sick from all the candy I ate the night before. I got up and got dressed into my Sunday clothes, including my Easter Bunny tie. I ate off-brand Trix for breakfast and then we went to church. Our normal bench was taken so my mom put some stuff in a middle bench by another family but it was going to be a tight fit, so my dad suggested we move to a small bench on the other side of the chapel, one we could have to ourselves. The people behind us welcomed us to that side. Allie said that the Brunners were sitting in front of us, and I told her she had to be reverent, and my mom did too. We sang hymns 199 and 200 and sang 197 as a sacrament hymn. Lee Snarr spoke and talked about a man he knows who is active in the Church but doesn't believe in the Resurrection. Glade Morley spoke and said something like, "You're probably all thinking, 'When is that Glade kid going on his mission?'" After sacrament meeting I went into Sunday School in the chapel. I sat down on a bench on the left side, and Chantelle and David Christensen sat in front of me. David started talking to me about school and told me he reads my blog regularly. Then class started; Brother Warnock was teaching the lesson on Enos-Words of Mormon. After Sunday School I went into the last overflow for Priesthood opening exercises. James Keddington asked me to say the opening prayer. David Christensen came in and sat between me and Spencer Jones; he talked to Spencer, who talked about a girl, and he talked some to me. We sang the opening hymn--I think it was "I Believe in Christ"--and then I went up to say the prayer. After I sat down, they asked for visitors. There was one regular visitor, and then they pointed out me and David, visiting from college. Then we separated; I almost went in a youth quorum. David sat a row in front of me, and I told him I forgot what he was studying. He told me his two majors, and I felt a little dumb I had mentioned that my two minors make it longer to graduate. The lesson just so happened to be on the Resurrection. The teacher talked about Cadbury mini eggs before he started the lesson. Then we went home and I ate leftover tacos for dinner; I looked at the Easter comic strips. Allie and my mom had an egg-salad sandwich made from Easter eggs; Allie was worried because it was blue, but I pointed out to her that the stuff that made the eggs blue was the same stuff that made the blue cookie frosting blue. Allie told me that the carrots on her chocolate ("mockolate") bunny tasted just like the candies I made at Thanksgiving. [Allie started talking about her dog, Buddy, and said he liked to do a "porno pose." I said I didn't think that was a good thing for an eight-year-old to be saying, and Allie said, "I knew it when I was seven!" My mom told her that I meant that it wasn't a very nice word.] I started eating my Easter candy, and my mom took a nap, asking Allie to wake her up at a certain time. I asked Allie if she wanted to come watch Here Comes Peter Cottontail: The Movie with me. She decided to, and I took my Easter basket downstairs to eat the candy. I turned on the movie, Allie was excited to see Miranda Cosgrove on the opening credits, and asked what character she was. When I told her the mouse, she asked me if she was a major character, and I told her that she was major but she didn't appear for a while. I finished my own mockolate bunny and ate a lot of other candy. Allie said Junior sounded like Spongebob; I told her he was, and she said, "Tom Kenny?" In typical Allie fashion, she got distracted and started looking at some old pictures. She brought some she thought were funny over to me to look at; she brought a Halloween picture from 2005, when she was sitting on my lap, and a picture from early 2005, when (big) Preston was holding (little) Preston. My dad came down with a book but fell asleep. Allie left and when the movie was over, I found her upstairs watching TV. She told me she had to wake up my mom, so she just stayed upstairs. My mom finished the Sunday pie by making green coconut flakes and making nests for the bunny marshmallows and putting jelly beans on the dessert. I played "That Easter Morn" and "Did Jesus Really Live Again?" on the piano. My mom wanted to have a talk about the real meaning of Easter; Allie kept insisting it was too late, but we had it anyway. We started by singing "Did Jesus Really Live Again?" After the lesson, we left for my grandparents' house. I loaded up my stuff in my car, and my dad rode with me [(I showed him the note I had found on my windshield about the scraped paint on the back of the car)] while my mom and Allie went in the green car. On the way there, I told my dad how I used to get off at the same exit four and a half years ago, when I worked at Walmart. I parked by the curb by my grandparents' and we went inside. Renee said, "You have a rabbit on your tie," and Debbie said, "Leave it to Mark to have a bunny tie." I sat on a chair between couches. My mom was talking to Brennan from across the room. Ryan was wearing a Family Guy shirt and Jesse was wearing a Peanuts shirt. Thompsons arrived and Peter gave Wallace to me, telling him he should learn from me. Wallace wasn't too happy with me, especially when Sue came in. Peter tried to tell me that he was going to go to Tennessee again, but I knew he was lying; all that night he tried to convince me my resentments were unfounded. My grandparents got up and my grandpa said that before we blessed the food, they had an announcement. Some guessed that he was being released as bishop, and he said that was true and said they were called on a year-long mission to Jordan. Then he pretended he had accidentally said Jordan instead of West Jordan, and said they were called to teach seminary at a school for troubled girls. My grandma said that he had said Jordan on purpose; we had already guessed that. Grandpa asked my uncle Rick to say the blessing; Sue was saying right before the prayer that she didn't know which Rick he meant. Then we went and got food; there was ham, deviled eggs, funeral potatoes, and four salads that Debbie had brought: broccoli, spaghetti, corn, and berry jello. April arrived, wearing a Mario t-shirt, and Grandpa had to do the Jordan joke again. Sue was feeding potatoes to Wallace; he had some potatoes on his face, but then they weren't on his face anymore. I said, "I think the food that was on Wallace's face ended up on the floor," and April said she was surprised I hopped on the "Wallace" bandwagon. There was some talk about rolls, but my grandma had neglected to put them out, so she got them out. There were sundry conversations: Sue's clothes were messier than Wallace's; April asked me if I could edit her fantasy story about a man appearing in lightning; I told my mom about how an author in Kanosh didn't have internet access, and my mom said Flowell's internet was spotty; April left Cameron at home to come get food; Cameron had an idea about putting go-go dancers in gyms, which Joey heartily approved of; Joey went into his pro-gambling nonsense; Jesse and Peter said they would have to stage an intervention for Joey, either for drinking or gambling; and Ryan and Maria got their own house, which made everyone happy. My dad left early (after my mom asked Sue if she could give her a ride home), and my mom talked about how my dad lost a tooth the day before. My mom pulled out the Sunday pies. I got an Easter piece with a bunny; the bunny crunched in my mouth, which isn't what marshmallows should do. I indicated to my mom that I was crunching on a marshmallow, and she laughed. My grandma confirmed that the marshmallows were hard as rocks. Renee left to go to the duck pond; she later called the house, wanting some rolls to give to the ducks. [Before knowing that the rolls were for ducks, Debbie said the rolls should be wheat because Renee liked wheat rolls.] Gildersleeves left and Chancey arrived; Grandpa yet again told his Jordan joke, and I could tell things wouldn't go as planned this time. I was right, because Chancey didn't think Jordan was a country. Wallace was crawling around and I said he was cuter than at New Year's; he got mad at me when I tried to help him. April said she wanted a baby. Sue said we should put in a pool to guess what Wallace's hair will turn out to be, and whoever gets it right gets to keep the money. I thought she was going to say whoever guessed right got to keep Wallace, which she thought was hilarious. Allie went on talking about Nathaniel and the "Uh Huh" song. Chancey asked me if my blue Converse shoes were new; I told him that I got them in September at Famous Footwear in Bountiful. There was talk about Wallace's name; I pointed out that in the room we had Chancey, not Robert; Quin, not Quintin; Mark, not Richard; and so on. Nicole pointed out she was Nicole, not Evelyn. My mom told Jesse and Peter she would give them $500 if they didn't gossip about their brothers, and Peter asked how she was going to sneak out the money without my dad noticing. We gave Wallace a blessing; I had to ask his middle name, and Sue also pointed out that his first name was Nathan, not Nathaniel, but I already knew that. He did not like my hands on his head at all; I had to try hard not to laugh. Grandpa sealed the anointing and it was still awkward and funny. As I was getting ready to leave, Peter told me my mom had believed my April Fool's joke in which I said I wanted to be a transvestite; she said she believed it for half a second. Chancey didn't hear all the conversation; all he heard was that I wanted to be a transvestite, and he said "Nice!" so I knew he didn't know what that was. Then I left and almost got hit by Jesse and Lisa as I walked to my car. I listened to my Praise to the Man MoTab CD on my drive to Provo. I ate all my Easter candy; all I had left when I got home was two blue Peeps bunnies and a Cadbury egg. [Traffic was really backed up at the University Parkway exit.] When I walked inside my apartment, Cameron Eaton was sitting there with his laptop. I asked him where Bryton and the other Cameron were. Then I read my scriptures. I was brushing my teeth when I heard a knock and then heard the door open; I knew it must be Jimmy Murphy, and I was right. He asked me if I had been to a mission reunion, but I told him we hadn't had ours yet. Then I got on the topic of the elder I knew who turned into a transvestite; he wanted to see, so I brought out my laptop and showed him pictures. He said he thought the elder must have had a chest operation, but I wasn't convinced. Jimmy said that an elder from his mission turned gay and was engaged (to a man), but still posted on mission pages and stuff. Then I changed the subject by showing him the Awkward Family Photos Easter slideshow:
Jimmy laughed at the first bunny, but I told him it would get worse. I told him the last was my favorite, and he said it looked like the bunny's head was dipped in acid. Jimmy invited me to see a ward member who had had surgery, but I declined because I didn't really know him and I had a lot to do before bed. [After he left, I remembered that I needed to text someone in my ward, who had backed into my car and scraped paint off the back of it. I found Morgan's number (it was on the note, but the note was a little faded, so I verified it with the ward list) and texted him telling him not to worry about the car because there were already scratches on the front bumper. He asked if I was sure because he felt pretty sheepish. I told him I'd let him know if I changed my mind.] I wrote a blog post, and I went to bed.
I probably don't have any remaining readers, but if you are that bored, and you want to see more, here are the original memory posts (none of them as long as this one):
The Ghost of Independence Days Past
A Pillowcase Full of Trick-or-treat Memories
Remember Every Detail, Volume 3: Thanksgiving
Yuletide by the Fireside, and Joyful Memories There
Auld Lang Syne
Remember Every Detail, Volume 6: Valentine's Day
Green Days
Those Easter Morns
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