On Thursday, the girl who compares me to a robot, Michelle, showed up to our apartment with a plate of fancy Rice Krispies treats for me. I knew immediately that they were not in season, so I was debating whether not to say anything and just give them to my roommates later, or whether to eat some anyway to be polite and have to do pushups as punishment. But another girl, Carissa, was at our apartment, and she knew about my rules, so she came and told Michelle that she should go put some red, white, and blue decorations on them so I could eat them. At that it was all over, and what resulted was a frantic search through the kitchen for something with which to decorate the goodies. I located some red and blue sugar sprinkles, which Michelle poured hurriedly. It was technically cheating, but oh well.
Michelle and Carissa asked me if I had all these rules written down. I told them no, and they said I should. So, here goes.
When it comes to candies, desserts, drinks, and other sweets, I can only have them when they are in season. I have eight holiday seasons, each with their own designated in-season sweets. When it comes to candy, a lot of deciding whether or not something is in season depends on if the candy would look festive in a candy dish.
New Year season, December 26-January 1. I can actually eat anything I want during this week. I started this on my mission because we had a lot of leftover Christmas goodies we needed to get rid of. I figure, at New Year's there always leftover Christmas goodies, and at New Year's parties there's always lots of food, so this rule seems reasonable enough. Another thing is that the prototypical New Year resolution is to lose weight, so you binge before you start--but this is actually not the reason I have my rules set this way. Furthermore, New Year treats are hard to come by. I've seen New Year clock cakes, but I haven't seen any New Year candy since 1999/2000, when M&Ms made their MM (2000) candies.
Valentine's Day season, January 15-February 14. During this time, I can have
- Sweets devoted specifically to Valentine's Day, such as conversation hearts, cinnamon lips, heart-shaped chocolates, etc.
- Red velvet cake and maybe blackforest cake
- Uniquely pink things, such as strawberry milk or pink-frosted cookies. I cannot eat things that are more generically pink, like, say, Laffy Taffy.
- Depending on the situation, I might eat fancy chocolates--like chocolates with filling, etc.
- Specifically St. Patrick's Day-related goodies, such as the BYU Bookstore's shamrock taffy, shamrock-shaped cookies, etc.
- Green things, such as pistachio ice cream, or things with prominent amounts of green, such as mint brownies
- Candies wrapped in gold wrappers, such as chocolate gold coins, Rolos, Werther's originals, etc.
- Specifically Easter candy, such as Peeps, chocolate bunnies, egg-shaped candies, etc.
- Jelly beans of any kind, even if such jelly beans are available year round
- Jordan almonds
- I have been known to eat carrot cake, as long as it has the little frosting carrot on top
- Specifically Fourth of July-related things, such as red, white, and blue star-shaped marshmallows, patriotic Tootsie Roll Pops, and star-shaped cookies
- Specifically Halloween candy, such as orange-and-black-wrapped Mary Janes ("peanut butter kisses"), Bat Dots, etc.
- Fall candies, such as fall-wrapped kisses, mellocreme pumpkins, fall-colored M&Ms, etc.
- Candy corn and candy-corn inspired things, such as candy corn M&Ms, candy corn taffy, candy corn Dots, etc.
- Gummy worms--a stretch, I know. (No pun intended. Seriously.)
- Pumpkin and pumpkin spice things, such as pumpkin pie, pumpkin egg nog, pumpkin cookies, etc.
- In some situations, I might drink the home-brewed dry ice rootbeer.
- I have been known to eat popcorn balls. Remember on It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, when one of the kids proclaims, "I got a popcorn ball!" Followed, of course, by, "I got a rock."
Thanksgiving season, November 1-Thanksgiving. What's good about the Thanksgiving season is that a lot of clearance Halloween candy doubles as Thanksgiving candy. I can have
- Fall-oriented candies (see above)
- Candy corn and its derivatives (see above)
- I can have pumpkin pie, pecan pie, and apple pie. I might throw mincemeat in there as well, but I don't really like mincemeat. Other kinds of pies would be excessive.
- Pumpkin things (see above)
- Spiced apple cider. It has to be spiced. And I hate that powder nonsense--I like to cook apple juice with cinnamon and cloves.
- Specifically Christmas candy, such as mint M&Ms, red-and-green-wrapped candies, bell-shaped candies, etc.
- Old-fashioned Christmassy candies, such as gumdrops, candy ribbons, etc.
- Egg nog
- Christmas sugar cookies
- Hot chocolate
- Spiced apple cider. I might also include wassail, but I don't think I've ever had it.
- Fruitcake. I've never had fruitcake, but I could eat it.
- Candy canes of any kind
- Minty things, such as Starlight mints, etc.
- Chocolate oranges, just because they are so prevalent at Christmas and because oranges are a traditional stocking stuffer
- I have been known to eat spiced things, but it would depend on the situation
Many goodies can be adapted to be seasonal. For example, holiday sprinkles can put cakes, cookies, and donuts in season. Holiday M&Ms can make M&M cookies in season. In high school, I used to put candy corn on brownies so I could eat them, but that was cheating, because brownies were never meant to have candy corn on them. Additionally, I can eat whatever I want during the week of my birthday (Sunday-Saturday). During the months of December, January, and February, I can have hot chocolate. During the months of June, July, and August, I can have popsicles, snow cones, Slurpees, etc.--basically frozen sugar water. Last year I ate ice cream during the summer, but I decided not to this year. This week I ate an ice cream cone to decide if I wanted to allow myself to eat ice cream as long as it is on a cone or a stick, but I decided against it--I felt too guilty.
This week, my roommate Cameron went crazy on our ward's Facebook page, liking and posting all sorts of weird and/or creepy things on our ward's Facebook page. He even posted my melon joke and the following video, for all the ward to see. I've had a few comments about the poem.
I have a surprise about Jan Terri coming up. Some of you already know it, but I'll tell the rest once it's complete.