Affirmation 2024

This weekend, I attended the Affirmation conference for the first time. There are various conferences in the Latter-day Saint/LGBTQIA+ intersection, but there are three main ones. Affirmation is the oldest, and its approach is very big tent. It welcomes every queer person (and allies) whose lives have ever intersected with the Church, which means a substantial amount of people have left the faith. North Star (which I have never been to) is a very orthodox organization and conference. And Gather, which I attended last month and last year, is more middle of the road. 

There are a few contributors who are writing queer histories for the Peoples of Utah Revisited, which is my job. I've kind of taken on a role as the token gay employee for our team, but I kind of feel like an impostor, since I've only been out for two years. I thought that by attending Affirmation, I would gain more experience and feel more fully integrated into the queer community.

This year the conference was in Ogden, and I was surprised how small it was. Everyone there told me it was the smallest it's been. This year's theme was "Joyfully Authentic," but I thought most of the presentations didn't specifically connect to that. (It was surprising in general conference last week when Elder Soares disparaged being "authentic.")

I went to the opening plenary on Friday night. Joel McDonald, the senior vice president of Affirmation, told a story, but I forget what the point was, sorry! Liv Mendoza Haynes is a queer Latter-day Saint married to a man who told her story. She also spoke at Gather both last month and last year. I thought her story didn't really have a message or a point, and I make a living off of making sure people have a thesis to their stories. She said that when she came out to her mom, her mom said, "Maybe you're not lesbian. Maybe you're just fat." And then Eli McCann told his story of coming out to his parents and then finally resigning his Church membership. He is a funny guy, but sometimes his humor strikes me as a little mean spirited.

I went back on Saturday for a long day, and there were several breakout groups. The first one I attended was called "Queering Mormon History." A (straight) librarian from the J. Willard Marriott Library at the University of Utah talked about the collection of Affirmation materials housed in their special collections. (I'm always wrangling citations that use sources from the JWML special collections.) She passed around scans from the Affirmation newsletters from the past, and that was fun, but also a little disheartening to see how long people in this space have been grappling with everything. Then another speaker talked about "queering" documents. It seemed very abstract to me, and I had a hard time following her thinking. Which probably means other people had a hard time following it, since Mormon history is literally my profession.

Then I attended a group discussion for asexual (ace) or aromantic (aro) people. In my journey, I spent some time wondering if I was ace or aro, so I feel a little bit of an affinity for ace people. (Also, the other sessions at the time didn't really appeal to me.) There was an ace heteroromantic divorced woman, an aroace divorced woman, a married couple where the husband (now wife) transitioned to a woman, and another gay man married to a man who was just there to learn. I explained where I fall on the queer spectrum. If you have an x-axis with gay on one end, straight on the other, and bi in the middle, I am completely on the gay end. But if you have a y-axis with different levels of intensity, I'm not at the top of the y-axis. But I am still gay enough not to be ace or gray ace.

Then we had our main plenary session. First the president of Affirmation did some business proceedings, which were boring.

Then Taylor Petrey, a scholar of religion and straight ally, gave a presentation. I was happy to introduce myself to him before his presentation as a fellow scholar, and he was very friendly and chatty. In his lecture about his new book, Queering Kinship in the Mormon Cosmos, he discussed how Latter-day Saint conceptions of marriage, sealings, family, and reproduction have changed over time. For example, there was a pioneer couple where the husband was infertile, so Brigham Young authorized another man to impregnate the wife, and the children belonged solely to the wife and the infertile husband, not the biological father. After his presentation, I told him how when I was working at the Church History Department, we were working on a document about two men who were sealed to each other in the 1840s in a practice known as adoption sealings. In the comments of the document, I wrote, "No fair! I wish I could be sealed to a man!"

Then Laurie Lee Hall shared some stories from her upcoming memoir. She is famous for being the chief architect for the Church and a former bishop and stake president before she was excommunicated for transitioning. She helped design the expansion of the MTC, but then she didn't get to see it completed. But she was invited on a VIP tour of the MTC two days after she was excommunicated.

I made some friends who invited me to lunch with them before the afternoon sessions.

In the afternoon, I attended a discussion group for those of us who still attend church. (Our main facilitator couldn't fly out from Florida because of the hurricane, so of course we did it without him.) There was a lesbian, a trans woman, an ace mom of a gay son, a gay man whose husband wasn't there, and a gay man who was there with his non-LDS husband. When I was first coming to terms with my orientation in 2022, I assumed that any gay person who attended church would have to be very orthodox and conservative and accept all the Church's positions. But as I've spent more time in this space, I've learned that there's actually a lot of us who are more progressive/nuanced and question the Church's policies, even as we find value in attending church, for a variety of reasons. (The more conservative ones flock to North Star, so I haven't met as many of them.)

Then all together, we watched a documentary called A Long Way from Heaven: The Rainbow Y Story. It discussed queer issues at BYU. It was mostly about BYU since early 2020, but there were some older aspects as well. They included clips from the "It Gets Better at Brigham Young University" YouTube video from 2012, which came out while I was at BYU. I remember watching it, and I admire the bravery of those students, because I wasn't ready to be open at that time. The documentary also played some older hurtful comments from Ernest Wilkinson and Boyd K. Packer. I mostly liked the movie, but the tone made me a little uncomfortable. There was a BYU employee sitting near me, so I asked what he thought about it, and he expressed his frustrations with things at BYU right now. Indeed, almost everyone I have talked to is frustrated with the administration at BYU currently.

Then in the evening, we had a communal catered dinner. It was good to meet and talk to more people.

I was glad to get more experience and learn more things in this space. I think that the people I meet at the Gather conferences are more in line with my values. Affirmation also had a lot more older people. And I felt like the presentations at Gather had more of a message or point to them, whereas the Affirmation presentations were more individual stories. (One is not necessarily better than another, just different.)

***

But I don't want to just talk about Affirmation, so here are other things from this week. If you're only interested in Affirmation, you are excused.

Thursday evening, I ran up Mueller Park. I don't usually go there, because North Canyon is better in almost every way, but I had less time. It was prettier than the closer trails, but still, this year's leaves haven't been as amazing.

As I got to Elephant Rock, I was astonished to see a brand new bike trail! I'm not a biker myself, but if it lessens the bike traffic, that will be nice. 

Many grocery stores sell holiday socks in the seasonal aisle, but they're usually women's socks. After getting items from Burger King's Addams Family menu for dinner, I stopped at the grocery store and was delighted to see men's haunted house socks. I simply had to buy them, because they go perfectly with my haunted house sweater! (I'm disappointed it's been too hot to wear a sweater yet. And do you think I should buy this sweater?)

Recently, I have noticed a random hot dog stand near my neighborhood in a fast-food parking lot, and it's only open at night. Since I want to try every restaurant in North Salt Lake, I decided to try it, after 9 p.m. The guy is not a native English speaker, and he asked if I wanted mushrooms, as his tongs were on the onions. I said no. So then he moved his tongs away from the onions, and I said, "Onions, yes." But he still put on mushrooms and no onions. It seems pretty hard to mix up mushrooms and onions, even if you aren't a native English speaker! And he asked "chile?" and I thought it would be chili, like a chili dog. But it was a spicy chile. So I got a hot dog, wrapped in bacon, with mushrooms and a green chile. It was the strangest hot dog I have ever had. I can tolerate mushrooms, but I don't particularly enjoy them.

And here are this week's AI dream images.

Winifred the Witch, riding on a broom, follows Kate the historian in a warehouse

at a church potluck, Ann cuts an Andes candy that has rainbow frosting on top and minty cream inside

Mark considers swimming laps in the water that has pooled in the public shower, but he decides not to

an octopus wearing a beanie slides around the ice on the road

Mark stops by a stand to buy Harvest Snaps, but they give him sausage links instead

people compliment Mark's Cookie Monster footie pajamas, but he doesn't want to keep them

a junk food blogger is annoyed that there are three caramel-apple pork products

Mark's family stays in a cabin hotel in the mountains with plumbing and electricity

the Monkees sing a song about their own shoddy stage by a natural spring next to a shoddy building

a junk food editor invites his reviewers to a party where he publicly shames a man who killed his own son

Mark has a sweater that has Christmas lights and can play music via Bluetooth. He tries to get it to play "Fix You"

The Latter-day Saint meetinghouse puts carpet on the floor of the gym

Mark finds a small caramel apple Squishmallow, but then he remembers he already has one (I like the Funko Pop! in the background)

Grandma tells Mark she was furious

***

Here's this week's pumpkinundation roundup!

Harmons pumpkin pie struck me as less flavorful than most pumpkin pie. But I liked the crust. 6/10.

While I was in Ogden, I had to try Wing Wah Pumpkin Cheesecake Wontons. They definitely have a cream cheese flavor, which isn't my favorite. 6/10.

And I also had Wing Wah Apple Cheesecake Wontons, which had tiny apple chunks in the cream cheese. They were also just OK. 6/10.

Freddy's Pumpkin Pie Shake doesn't have a super strong flavor, but I like the crust pieces. 7/10.

Rooster's Pumpkin Curry Soup tasted like it should have had potatoes in it, because it tastes like other curry I've had. 7/10.

I didn't like Lily's regular pumpkin spice baking chips, but I like Lily's chocolate pumpkin spice baking chips better. 6/10.

The Pumpkin Pie Perfect Bar is mostly peanut butter, and it really doesn't taste like pumpkin pie at all. But it is an amazing peanut butter bar. 8/10.

I did a formal review of the Sonic Witch's Brew Slush Float, which is apple slush, caramel apple popping boba, and ice cream. I gave it a 9/10.

The Quest Pumpkin Pie Bar doesn't taste great, but it's fine for something with lots of protein and little sugar. 6/10.

I think my Favorite Day Pumpkin Spice Trail Mix melted together. It has peanuts, pumpkin spice pretzel balls, pumpkin spice candy cups, and candy pumpkins. I think the candy pumpkins are my favorite part, since they're so iconic. I do love these sweet trail mixes, because they combine the sweet with the fatty, salty nuts. 7/10.

Faith, Doubt, and Queerness

Two years ago today, I came out as gay on this blog, and a year ago, I commemorated my anniversary. 

For National Coming Out Day this year, I thought I would get extra vulnerable by sharing more of my story and explaining why I came out when I did.

I suppose that my brutal honesty will make some of my readers uncomfortable.

A Crisis of Faith

In January 2022, I began an internship with the Church History Department. It was the last semester of my history master's program at the University of Utah, and I was doing the internship for credit. I had previously worked for the department from 2014 to 2017, and I was thrilled to be back.

On Valentine's Day 2022, as I was doing my work, this thought came into my mind: There's no way this can possibly be true. That's very inconvenient for you, but you know that's right.

That was a devastating thought. But what made it especially devastating was that I believed I had received revelation to go to grad school and to quit dating a girl. This new thought felt the same as those earlier thoughts. So if those earlier thoughts had been right—and I believe they were—then this new thought was also right. On the other hand, if this new thought was not right, then how did I know that the earlier thoughts were revelation? In either case, it was not faith affirming. I had entered what is commonly known as a faith crisis.

What I want to make perfectly clear is that this was through no fault of my own. I think there's a tendency among Latter-day Saints to assume that if someone loses their faith, it's because they quit reading scriptures or praying or going to church, or they were committing some serious sin, or they were hanging out with the wrong people. None of that was true in my case. In fact, I probably was more devoted in doing all the things than the average Church member (and I have continued to do so to the present).

I thought, "Well, I guess I can't stay here now. I better quit my internship and find another job." But then I said to myself, "Now, now, that's a very big decision. Your internship lasts another eleven months, which gives you plenty of time to think about this."

After a few agonizing days, I decided to look on FAIR for answers to my questions. I was less interested in what the answers were; I was just relieved that there were answers. I thought, "Phew, the crisis is averted. I now have more empathy for people who leave the Church, but I'm good to go now."

But really, it was just the beginning of a spiritual rollercoaster. 

One compounding factor was that I was still in denial about my orientation. In February 2022, when I believed I had averted the faith crisis, I went to lunch with some colleagues, and we were talking about dating. I still planned on marrying a woman, and I remarked that I felt hopeless about dating. I felt hopeless because I didn't have any prospects, and in the back of my mind I knew it wasn't a realistic expectation.

I was very honest with myself and made four very personal lists: things I like about staying in the Church, things I don't like about staying, things I would like if I left, and things I would not like if I left. By far my biggest list was things I like about staying. But that did not negate the very real things I would like about leaving.

For the first time in my life, I began seriously considering what my life would look like if I left the Church. I realized that if I left, I wouldn't want a wife. I read accounts of straight men who left, and they would say, "I'm so glad I had my wife to help me get through that." But for me, having a wife would be a liability rather than an asset. And that made me realize that even staying in the Church, I don't want a wife.

I had a heavy cloud of uneasiness hanging over me for much of 2022, even in settings that should have been joyful: Easter Sunday, graduation, family reunion, concerts, Labor Day. Faith is supposed to sustain you during hard times, so what do you do when your faith is your hard time? I think a faith crisis is hard for anyone, but there were a few factors that made it especially hard for me:

• I was working for the Church in a job I loved, so I couldn't get away.
• I'm gay, so there are very real consequences for the way I live my life.
• I aged out of the YSA ward right before the pandemic and then went to grad school, which left me socially isolated.

I became desperate for perspectives and ideas, so I consumed books, blogs, articles, and podcasts. Some of them were more helpful than others, and I have listed some of my favorites below. But there are two that stick out to me as especially helpful in my journey.

Metamorphoses

One of these sources was a column by Jana Riess entitled "Dear Mormons in a faith crisis: You're not crazy, wrong or stupid." In this article, Riess explains that when caterpillars become butterflies, it is ostensibly beautiful, yet the reality is much more uncomfortable. Caterpillars digest themselves into a primordial soup and become something completely new. She compared it to a faith crisis, and she advised, "Rather than focusing right now on a particular outcome, just notice the changes that are happening to you, and marvel."

And I certainly have gone through some important changes. The most directly relevant change is the way I view faith. I have come to realize that I am by nature a skeptical person, and I have been since at least high school. I know that may be surprising because of my intense religious devotion, but it's true. As far back as 2010 and 2011, I remember listening to Christmas and Easter songs about Jesus and thinking, "Do I really believe this?" That was discouraging to me. But now I believe that doubt is, or at least can be, a normal and healthy part of faith. I think 1 Corinthians 12 and Doctrine and Covenants 46 imply that it's OK for some people to have a harder time believing.

Of course, another important change was coming to terms with my orientation. It really was not realistic or sustainable for me to remain in denial forever. In fact, I'm a little surprised it took as long as it did.

But there was still another important change. As I did a lot of soul-searching and attended therapy, I had to confront ways I think about myself. Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I think my opinions don't matter? Why do I think everyone hates me? Why do I sabotage my relationships and friendships? This is an ongoing process.

 Stages of Faith

Another important source was a Faith Matters podcast with Brian McLaren. In this podcast, McLaren outlines four stages of faith that people can go through: simplicity, complexity, perplexity, and harmony. (This podcast also included a line that stopped me in my tracks, and I had to write it down: "You have to take adult responsibility for yourself, and you have to say, 'I am giving myself permission to belong here and to love these people, even though the written documents and the authority figures don't approve of me.'") He also gave a similar presentation in 2022's Restore gathering. These four stages of faith are not inherently better or worse than the others, and they can be cyclical. I had been thrust from a complexity stage into a perplexity stage, and I desperately hoped for the harmony stage to arrive. 

I kind of had an epiphany at Christmastime in 2022 seeing all the nativities on Temple Square. Christianity has been around for two thousand years, and it has taken off all over the world. It clearly fills a human need. I also reread the Book of Mormon, and I was struck by what a profound, insightful book it is. 

As I thought about every problem in Mormonism, I also spent time thinking about problems in other belief systems. I have little to no respect for hostile, militant atheists. Please let me be clear: I am not talking about atheism itself. I am talking about a particular brand of atheism that takes every opportunity to make fun of religion, that implies they're smarter than any religious person, and that thinks religion is the cause of the world's problems. If we really are accidental assemblages of molecules in a meaningless universe, then religion is still part of the human experience. It is just as bad to be mean to someone for being religious as it is to be mean to someone for being gay.

Similarly, I think that exmormon Reddit, exmormon.org, and similar forums are hate groups. That's not to say they don't have valid criticisms. Believe me, as a gay Mormon historian, I am well aware of problems in the Church, past and present. But many members of these groups assume the worst motives for anything Latter-day Saints do, and they overemphasize the negative. They even distort neutral and positive things to make them appear negative. For example: Years ago, Elder Renlund lost a lot of weight. He made a social media post explaining that President Nelson encouraged people to make positive changes in their lives, so he started dieting and exercising and lost weight. I came across an /r/exmormon post where people were saying things like "Rusty forced him to lose weight." They were taking one man's personal success story and turning it into something sinister and worthy of ridicule. I have numerous examples, and I could easily find more. These groups foment hatred, and they often do so in manipulative, less-than-honest ways—even as they accuse the Church of being manipulative and less than honest.

I think I have mostly arrived at the harmony stage. I no longer thirst for the podcasts and books like I used to, and many of the things that used to trigger me don't anymore. In my current stage of faith, I am not concerned with whether or not the Church is "true." Like, what does that even mean, and how could I actually know that? I'm more interested in whether the Church is good, beautiful, and useful. And I believe it is, or at least can be—for straight people.

The Queer Dilemma

Unfortunately, current Latter-day Saint theology does not yet include a place or an explanation for queer people, and our present leaders seem more interested in using their current understanding as a weapon against us than they are in figuring out where we fit.

It is very clear to me that Church leaders don't know what they're doing on this topic. In 2010, Boyd K. Packer gave a talk where he implied being gay was a choice, and then he had to revise it because he didn't know what he was talking about. (In the excised portion, he said, "Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone?"—thereby acknowledging that a merciful God would not do this. He just got it wrong where the problem is.) In November 2015, they implemented the infamous policy of exclusion, then reversed it less than four years later. And in 2021, Dallin H. Oaks said that electroshock conversion therapy did not happen at BYU during his administration—which is demonstrably false. I don't think he was deliberately lying, but it does tell me that he doesn't know as much as he thinks he does.

The Church used to teach that being gay was a choice, that it could be "fixed," and that mixed-orientation marriages were the solution. If those things were true, then it would make more sense to prohibit same-sex marriage. But the Church no longer teaches those things (at least not officially), which makes the prohibition on same-sex marriage seem needlessly cruel. When so much has changed already, even in a short amount of time, why should I believe that where the teachings are right now is where they're supposed to be?

For those of us who question or reject the Church's LGBTQ+ teachings, it's not that we're trying to justify sin. We want to do what's right, but we don't see a way to do that under the current practices. In a religion that so strongly encourages family and marriage, surely committing to singlehood can't be right. And most mixed-orientation marriages end in divorce, which Jesus specifically condemned. I feel like I'm being punished for simply existing.

I have seen the hurt resulting from Church teachings, policies, and rhetoric, both past and present. When I was a youth, I thought that if I was thinking about men, it was Satan tempting me. And I also inherited a folk belief somewhere that Satan didn't have power to tempt people in the temple. So if I was at the temple doing baptisms for the dead and was attracted to a guy, then I was inherently evil, because Satan couldn't tempt me there.

And it's not just about me. I think about the person younger than me who told his mission president he was gay, and then he was sent home because the mission president worried he was a threat to the other missionaries, and he went to conversion therapy and had to flick himself with a rubber band and make himself throw up. I think about the once-stalwart Peter Priesthood whose shame and internalized homophobia led him to the seedy underworld of gay hookup apps. I think about all the mixed-orientation marriages that either ended in divorce or are barely holding on—I can name eight that I know personally. And I think about all the suicidal ideation my friends have been through.

I truly believe that Dallin H. Oaks cares more about his personal interpretation of the Family Proclamation than he cares about people. I see it in the way he talks about the Proclamation, the way he talks about queer people, the way he talks about law, the way he has historically talked about the two great commandments, and the way he dismisses anyone who disagrees as apostate, unconverted, or unbelieving. As a lawyer, he seems to view everyone as an opponent he needs to win an argument against. Since he never served as a missionary, bishop, or mission president, he missed opportunities to develop the empathy that those callings engender. I do not see him mourning with those that mourn, comforting those that need comfort, or making others' burdens lighter.

I am terrified for him to become President of the Church. Will he canonize the Proclamation?* Will he make it a temple recommend question that you only support marriage between a man and a woman? Will he make the entire Church follow the BYU honor code of no same-sex romantic behavior, such as dating or holding hands? Will he "pack the Supreme Court" by only picking Apostles who think like him?

*(For what it's worth, I don't necessarily object to the text of the Proclamation itself. But I strongly object to the way it is interpreted, applied, and weaponized.)

I enjoy participating in and contributing to my ward. I also know that statistically, most gay people leave the Church, in one way or another, at some point. For example, in the mid-2010s, they implemented the Mormon and Gay website, with videos of people's experiences. Today, most of the videos have been taken down, because the people in them have entered same-sex relationships. If they expect us gays to be single our whole lives, they'll have to give us a better incentive than being second-class citizens in both the Church and the celestial kingdom, and they'll have to give us a better explanation than "This is the way it is because we say so." If President Oaks does not tone down his harsh, us-versus-them rhetoric, I might have to take a break when he becomes President of the Church.

Resources

I thought I would list some of the books, blogs, and podcasts that have been helpful for me in my journey. (These are helpful for my personal worldview. Others might help people in different situations. And there are many books that I haven't read, because I don't feel the need to read them like I did in 2022.)

Beyond the Block podcast.

Bushman, Richard Lyman. Joseph Smith: Rough Stone Rolling. Alfred A. Knopf, 2005.

By Common Consent blog. Especially the post "Empathy in the Back Seat."

Dirkmaat, Gerrit J., and Michael Hubbard MacKay. Let's Talk about the Translation of the Book of Mormon. Deseret Book, 2023.

Faith Matters.

Flunking Sainthood column. Especially the posts "Dear Mormons in a faith crisis: You're not crazy, wrong or stupid" and "Mormonism's Tortured Genius."

Lift+Love. (I have made several friendships through their LGBTQ+ adult support group.)

Mason, Patrick Q. Planted: Belief and Belonging in an Age of Doubt. Deseret Book, 2015.

Mason, Patrick Q. Restoration: God's Call to the 21st-Century World. Faith Matters, 2020.

McConkie, Thomas Wirthlin. Navigating Mormon Faith Crisis: A Simple Developmental Map. Sun Print Solutions, 2015.

Mormon Land podcast. (This has been a favorite of mine since 2018.)

Mormonr. (They have the best memes on social media.)

Questions from the Closet podcast. (They just rebranded as All Out in the Open.)

Schilaty, Ben. A Walk in My Shoes: Questions I'm Often Asked as a Gay Latter-day Saint. Deseret Book, 2021.

Rees, Robert A., ed. Why I Stay: The Challenges of Discipleship in Contemporary Mormonism. Signature Books, 2011.

Rees, Robert A., ed. Why I Stay 2: The Challenges of Discipleship for Contemporary Mormons. Signature Books, 2021.

Reeve, W. Paul. Let's Talk About Race and Priesthood. Deseret Book, 2023.

Times and Seasons blog.

Wayfare magazine. (I do copyediting for them, and being part of the Wayfare team has been so good for my soul.)

Closing

This post only scratches the surface of my thoughts and experiences. If you have questions, feel free to reach out.

As with my other posts, I ask that you not share links to my blog online; and if you want to share it with a specific individual, please ask me first.

Take care!

Beginning of October

I didn't have a super eventful week—which is nice.

Last week, for the remainder of my birthday, I had Mexican chocolate cake, served with black licorice ice cream and mint ice cream. And then I finished proofing the next issue of Wayfare.

It's still apple season, so I was picking some this week, and I dropped a perfect one on the ground. I ate it before it bruised, and I was surprised that it didn't have any worms in it. 

And this week I also had one of my favorite fall snacks, cut apples with grated cheddar, put in the microwave just long enough to soften the cheese.

And today, I made topping while my mom cut apples for apple crisp.

Four evenings this week, I was able to get on the trails. Two of those nights, I had to use my headlamp so I could run after dark. 

The maples are more muted this year

At least the rabbitbrush looks cool

The oaks are starting to change, but they're never as cool

This trail develops small sinkholes

The big spiders come out at night

Last November, I blogged about finding a mysterious phone number for someone named Musky written inside my closet. This week, I was using a stick to clear cobwebs from a downstairs window, and a piece of masking tape with the name "Becky Johnson" fell from the window frame. I don't know a Becky Johnson, so it was probably put there before we moved in back in 1991.

I had a friend from Florida send me tickets for the Saturday morning session of general conference, so I went. I wore the new rainbow tie I got for my birthday. Of course, there were protesters outside the center, one of them saying Joseph Smith and Brigham Young were burning in hell, as though it were the nineteenth century. And someone was carrying a Phil Lyman sign. That seems like a weird time and place to campaign, but if it makes Phil Lyman look bad, go for it! 

Back when I was in college, my parents used my bedroom as an annex to store family history materials. Last night I decided to reclaim the drawer so I could put sweaters in it, and I was able to get rid of some of the pedigree sheets that are obsolete because of FamilySearch (thank goodness!). And speaking of obsolete, I found two floppy disks, I think with names to take to the temple!

And I thought I had some entertaining AI dream images this week.

Mark goes to a fancy house where they even put Thanksgiving decorations in the basement

Mark sees the Fillmore hieroglyphics, which are behind bars

Mark rescues his Peanuts Fourth of July pillowcase from his rude cousins-in-laws' house (There is so much to unpack in this image 😂)

Women dressed as Easter bunnies look at sewing books from the 1970s at Walmart

Mark tells people about the funny dream he had about women dressed like the Easter Bunny at Walmart

Mark makes cookie dough with spinach and other vegetables, but he doesn't have time to bake it

Mark almost gives cookies to an older couple, but then he remembers the wife is vegan and doesn't eat sugar

Mark sees some books from BYU sent to the LDS distribution center, and he thinks he knows where they're supposed to go

The LDS distribution center has an outdoor swimming pool for employees to use on their break

Mark talks about symbolism of common objects in a small Sunday School class (I like the hot dog)

Mark swims in a river, and there are plush Powerpuff Girl dolls in the water

Mark sees and hears a rattlesnake in the park, and a gay man picks it up with his bare hands

Mark does laundry in a house with two washers and two dryers, and he realizes he already left some laundry in them

Mark takes a picture of his partly eaten pumpkin pie Pop-Tart

There is a small Trader Joe's store in South Jordan, Utah

***

Because I had trips to Trader Joe's, Walmart, and Target this week, I have some good entries for pumpkinundation roundup.

I decided to try a plain old pumpkin as a vegetable. I have roasted pumpkin before to put in pie or other things, but this was my first time eating it plain. It was . . . not great. It was just bland. I was surprised the texture was similar to spaghetti squash. (The Pumpkin book I've been reading talks about how pumpkins grew so easily that they were associated with poor people and livestock, but then New England began romanticizing the rural symbolism of pumpkins, so they started embracing pumpkin pie in the nineteenth century.) 5/10. 

I didn't roast the stem, I just put it in the picture

In our pantry we had Spice Islands Pumpkin Pie Spice, which consists of cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, allspice, mace, and cloves. It's not great on pumpkin, but it smells good. 7/10.

And Trader Joe's Pumpkin Pie Spice has cinnamon, ginger, lemon peel, nutmeg, cloves, cardamom. It also smells good. 7/10.

And therein lies one of my pet peeves, when food companies label something "pumpkin spice," even though there's not agreement about exactly what spices are in it. Cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves seem to be standard, as is ginger sometimes, which is the same as gingerbread spice. And zucchini bread spice. And carrot cake spice.

Which leads me to Little Debbie Pumpkin Spice Donuts. There is no pumpkin in them, just food coloring. But they are tasty donuts! 7/10.

I got this bag of Fall Dum-Dums. I wanted to try these, and I will have no need to buy them again, since Dum-Dums are the favorite candy of no one over the age of nine. The Apple Cider Dum-Dum is OK; it vaguely tastes like apple cider. (They also include this flavor in the Christmas bags.) 6/10.

Trader Joe's Gluten Free Pumpkin Ravioli tastes better than I expect, since parmesan cheese is in the ingredients, and I hate parmesan. The texture is a little weird, but better than other gluten-free pasta I've had. 7/10.

I do prefer the Trader Joe's Honey Roasted Pumpkin Ravioli, which is sweeter. I put some marinara sauce on them, which diluted some of the flavor, but the texture needed some sauce. 8/10.

The Caramel Apple Dum-Dum doesn't really taste like caramel apple, even though that seems like a flavor that should be easy. 5/10.

The Kneaders Pumpkin Cream Cheese French Toast is just their standard French toast with a dollop of pumpkin cream cheese. The French toast is really yummy, but the pumpkin cream cheese is just OK, and this is kind of a boring dish. 6/10.

They had samples of Kneaders Pumpkin Bread, which is basic pumpkin bread, but there's nothing wrong with that. 7/10.

I've gotten more selective about the things I buy at Trader Joe's, and since I keep buying Trader Joe's Spicy Pumpkin Samosas, they must be worth my time. It's nice to get a savory break from all the sweet pumpkin things. 8/10.

Speaking of sweet—I didn't expect Pumpkin Pie Dum-Dums to actually taste like pumpkin pie. But I hoped they would taste like something. 4/10.

The remaining flavors are sour apple, cinnamon roll, and hot chocolate, but I don't intend to rate them on here

I enjoyed the JJ Donuts Pumpkin Cream Cheese Cinnamon Roll. 7/10.

And I don't buy as many cereals as I used to. But I enjoy eating Pumpkin Spice Special K, even though it barely earns its "pumpkin spice" label. 7/10.

Dr. Squatch Drunk'n Pumpkin Men's Natural Soap has pumpkin seed powder in it, apparently. It doesn't smell like pumpkin or spices, but it still has a pleasant scent. It's more masculine than the other scented soaps I use. 7/10.

I'm glad that Thomas' Pumpkin Spice Bagels keep coming back after more than a decade. They have little pockets of pumpkin filling. I don't usually love bagels, but these are great. I usually like eating them with cheese, since I certainly don't need anything else sweet. 9/10.