Another Coming-Out Post

Happy National Coming Out Day! I wanted to continue my tradition of posting every year on October 11 (see 2022, 2023, 2024, and 2025). I don't have a lot to say this time, because I've already said many of the things I want to say. I had a few other things I was going to say in this post, but I removed them because they might not age well.

Not much has changed in the last year. Perhaps the biggest thing is that I let my temple recommend expire at the beginning of the year. I just don't feel comfortable answering the "sustain" question right now. But I don't really like going to the temple anyway. There's a quote from President Nelson that says, "If you don’t yet love to attend the temple, go more often—not less." From 2011 to 2020, I went to the temple every month, only missing a few times. During those nine years, I did not come to love the temple; if anything, I liked it less. I attended the temple because I was supposed to love it, not because I actually did—and I think many Latter-day Saints secretly feel the same way. (I also acknowledge that it is a truly meaningful experience for many people, and I'm happy for them. And I have had positive temple experiences, though I can't necessarily say they're more positive than what I could experience elsewhere.)

With all that said, there are times when I wonder if I'm slightly more orthodox than I have been for the past four years. General conference last week was less triggering for me than it has been in a while. And recently I had a dream that I was asked to go on another mission, and I said I would go as long as I didn't have to go tracting.

I dated women for a decade, and I have often wondered if I might have gotten married if I had been more social and outgoing. But I'm glad I didn't! Ironically, I think I'm actually a better catch for women now that I no longer date them. I'm generally more confident. I devote more time to fitness, so I think I'm better looking. (I weigh twenty to twenty-five pounds more than I did four years ago at this time, and I like to think it's mostly muscle mass.) I wear clothes that I like, not worrying that my clothes will "out" me or that I'm not cool enough to wear them. Actually, I think that's an advantage queer people have. There are arbitrary cultural norms that straight, cisgender people feel they have to adhere to. Like, if a straight, cis man likes pink, he might feel he has to suppress that because it's not the gender norm. But queer people already go against the norm, so we can do what we want.

September 2022

October 2026

Despite my positivity, there are still difficulties in this LDS/LGBTQ+ space, some of them expected, some of them surprising. I still have plenty of existential questions about my present and my future, and there's always a tension in participating in a religion when I reject its teachings on queer issues. 

I guess this post was so mundane and short that it hardly seems worth bothering, but here we are.

Slow news week, but admire the postcards

My weekly update is a day early this week because I have something else scheduled for tomorrow. I'm just writing in late morning / early afternoon, hoping there will be a safe window to go on a run when there won't be lightning.

Honestly, it was a slow news week. I don't have many exciting things to say.

On Monday, I ran on the Wild Rose Trail, and I had heard that they had installed new signs over the previous weekend. I was eager to see the new signs, because I keep encountering cyclists on the foot-only Chukar Loop, and some of them don't believe me when I tell them it's a foot path. But the signage was so poor that I can understand their confusion. 

As promised, there were new signs. But I was extremely annoyed that there were no new signs at the single most confusing spot, and another confusing spot didn't have a new one. I guess some new signs are better than none, but it's still such a missed opportunity. 

At least this will be a little helpful

When I went running on Thursday, I saw a black cat around the corner from my house, so I slowed down and approached the cat so I could pet it. And it obliged! Aren't cats the most wonderful little creatures?

And I was happy that it was a black cat, because I had just been admiring all the vintage Hallowe'en postcards our friend Laura gave me this summer. Black cats were very much a Halloween trope at the time, along with witches, pumpkins, bats, owls, and ghosts. (Spiders and skeletons came later, and vampires and mummies especially came later.)

1909

1909

1908

1923. For some reason I like the 1900s and 1910s images better than the 1920s.

1908

1911

1914

1910

During general conference last week, I made my own Halloween illustration in order to encourage creativity and use my brain, even though I'm not an artist.

And yesterday I finally installed Windows 11 on my personal laptop. I had installed it back in 2022, but I hated it, mostly because it always hid labels, which made it extremely frustrating to work with multiple windows or documents open. So I uninstalled it. But I have Windows 11 on my work laptop, so I knew Windows 11 had improved—most importantly, it allows for labels. And so far Windows 11 is working great on my laptop. (My laptop is kind of a work laptop, since I use it for my BYU contract job.) 

***

Though it was a slow news week, I have a lot for pumpkinundation roundup!

I made my first visit to Pinkbox Doughnuts and had the Pinkbox Doughnuts Apple of My Eye Doughnut. It has an apple filling and is coated with peanuts, like some caramel apples are. I don't know if the red frosting is flavored, because the peanuts overpowered it. This was a very enjoyable doughnut, but I could have done without the paper stick they used as decoration. 8/10.

This summer I had a red, white, and blue shake from Wayback Burgers and enjoyed it, but I was disappointed with the Wayback Burgers Pumpkin Churro Shake. I think it was just flavored with Torani (or similar) syrup. It didn't taste like pumpkin at all. 4/10.

I can't say the Good & Gather Pumpkin Spice Instant Oatmeal tasted much like anything. I've had various pumpkin oatmeals over the years, and I can never remember which ones are worthwhile. This one isn't. 5/10.

Great Value Twist & Shout Double Filled Pumpkin Roll Sandwich Cookies have a cream cheese flavor reminiscent of the filling of a pumpkin roll. I can't say they really taste like the pumpkin cake. They're fine. 6/10.

I got this Dawn Pumpkin Spice Powerwash Dish Spray last year. Honestly, it kind of stresses me out, because I'm not really sure how to use it. I can't find the seasonal scents on their own, only with the spray nozzle, and it seems wasteful to buy so many nozzles. I can't say it really smells like pumpkin spice. 6/10.

Witch's Brew Nik-L-Nip is beyond the scope of pumpkinundation roundup, but I included it because I think it's so weird. This is a dumb candy—a tiny swig of sweet liquid, and then wax you chew on!?? What kind of candy is that!? And why do they bother making a seasonal version of such strange candy? 4/10.

There are some protein bars that are good (Built, Barebells, FitCrunch), and there are some that are not so good. The David Pumpkin Spice Flavored Bar is a not-so-good kind, though I've had worse. It just tastes really weird. 4/10.

Ne-Mo's makes little cakes that are sold at convenience stores, and I was excited to try the Ne-Mo's Pumpkin Spice Cake. It's pretty mediocre though. (In fairness, I didn't eat it before the sell-by sticker, but it probably wouldn't have made much of a difference.) 5/10.

At work they brought in iHop Pumpkin Spice Pancakes. They seemed overcooked to me. They were nothing special. 6/10.

I have had the Great Value Candy Corn Flavored Syrup in the fridge for years, because we don't go through that much syrup. Candy corn is a vague flavor. 5/10.

Jumbo-Filled Caramel Apple Dum-Dums are apple lollipops with caramel inside. There's more hard candy than caramel, unlike a Tootsie Pop. They're pretty good, but I don't love the way hard candies make my mouth feel. 7/10.

Werther's Original Pumpkin Spice Soft Caramels are OK. 6/10.

I like the Werther's Original Caramel Apple Soft Caramels better. 7/10.

The King Krumb Candy Corn Cookie does taste like candy corn in the frosting. But they're not as good as a fresh cookie. 6/10.

Nineteen plus nineteen

On Monday, my work had a "team-building activity" at the Salt Lake Game Show Experience, which has various small game show–inspired games. We divided into a morning group and an afternoon group, and I was in the smaller morning group, only seven of us. I did really well; I drew the most detailed SpongeBob, and I got every answer in the "Homophones" category in the Jeopardy-knockoff game. (I like homophones but not homophobes.) I was in the lead. But in the Final Jeopardy round, I didn't bet anything, so I got second place. 

It was my birthday this week! On Tuesday I turned thirty-eight. I thought about observing the thirtieth anniversary of my eighth birthday by having lasagna, baked red potatoes, and apple pie, but that didn't sound great, and I didn't have time to play Wario Land. I thought about observing the twentieth anniversary of my eighteenth birthday, but I couldn't find my Munster, Go Home! / The Munsters' Revenge DVD—but I did consciously choose to have Papa John's and Mexican chocolate cake. The tenth anniversary of my twenty-eighth birthday wouldn't work, because I don't help tutor Tongan youth anymore. So I stuck to an activity that is much more typical of my thirties and late twenties, running up Mueller Park. The leaves hadn't peaked yet, but it was still a lovely evening. 

(It has also now been nineteen years since I turned nineteen, which means in the coming months, the time between my birth and the beginning of my mission will be less time than the beginning of my mission to now.)

I get overwhelmed having too much stuff, so I specifically requested not to receive gifts. Even if I ask for something specific, I get something that's just different enough from what I want that it stresses me out. But I did tell my family that if they wanted to get me presents, they could get me colored pencils. You might recall that for much of 2024 (and into 2025), I would generate AI images based on my dreams. That was amusing. But I am uneasy with the rise of AI. Among other things, it stifles human creativity. So I like the idea of drawing my dreams more often. I also see a lot of AI flyers, and I wonder if I could design my own flyers if needed.

Kids enjoy drawing, but it seems to be looked down on when you're an adult if you're not actually an artist. But why should that be so? Why can't adults draw too? I don't know if I will spend much time drawing, but I like giving myself permission to do so if I want. 

I am not an artist at all, and I don't intend to be. My drawing is meant to be an exercise in creativity, practice, and learning. So here are two dreams I illustrated this week. 

A toddler approaches a porcupine at the zoo and gets quills all over himself

Mark substitutes for the drummer in a band by playing the backpack

And I felt like illustrating Labor Day, for some reason, with my new colored pencils. 

This week, my parents went camping at Wasatch Mountain State Park, a tradition we've had most falls since 2018. I went up Friday afternoon to join them. On the way, I stopped at Barnes and Noble in Park City to buy Fairies: A History, which I hope will be an interesting cultural history.

Then I stopped at a bookstore called Folklore in Midway, one of the bookstores on the Indie Bookstore Crawl. This was another store that seems more marketed to women. But now I only have one to go! It's in Moab, but I can't stop now when I'm so close.

I always enjoy this camp. There are lots of trails nearby, and I went running both Friday night and Saturday morning.

Welp. Blogger has once again worsened the way you add images. You can add them from Google Photos, but you can't pick the order, so I often copy and paste. But now that's not working. I want to push someone at Google down the stairs.

***

I prioritized nonseasonal foods this week, but there are still some contributions for pumpkinundation roundup. 

Kraft Milk Chocolate Caramels Green Apple Thins are chocolate and caramel; I didn't find the apple flavor to be that strong. 7/10.

Favorite Day Gummy Worm Whipped Dairy Topping has a generic sweetness. I didn't expect otherwise; gummy worms can be any kind of flavor. But I have never had a product flavored like gummy worms before! 6/10.

I think I've had Great Value Pumpkin Spice Flavored Syrup for five years. I would never peg it as pumpkin spice flavor. 4/10.

Kraft Milk Chocolate Caramels Pretzel Bark Candy Corn Flavor Crunch was much better than I expected. It's chocolate, caramel, pretzels, and little candy corn–flavored pieces. I can't say it tastes much like candy corn, but it tastes great! 9/10.

Thomas' Pumpkin Spice English Muffins have been around since at least 2013. I'm surprised they've stuck around that long, but I'm glad they have. One of my favorite fall small meals is a toasted English muffin with a fried egg and cheese. 8/10.

I suppose the King Krumb Mud Pie Cookie doesn't count here, but I'll talk about it anyway. This is Walmart's answer to Crumbl. I found the cookie bland without a great texture. 4/10. (I'll have the candy corn cookie later.)

I have had Trader Joe's Harvest Blend Herbal Tea for many years. Since I don't come from a tea-drinking culture, I don't know what to do with it. It tastes fine, but I did notice this week that I could smell it from far away. 6/10.

And I know I have had Yogi Pumpkin Spice Herbal Supplement since 2021. Same thoughts as the previous herbal tea, though I couldn't smell it as much. 5/10.

Last year I bought this pumpkin cookbook at World Market, so this week I made The Pumpkin Cookbook Pumpkin Pizza. It has canned pumpkin with brown sugar as the sauce. It has roasted pumpkin pieces with onions and sage on top, and I added zucchini because we have a lot. I used mozzarella instead of gorgonzola. The crust didn't rise, but the pizza was better than I expected. I would like to refine and experiment with it a little more. 7/10.