Oh, the pain, the pain

On Monday this week, after the Utah Historical Quarterly board of editors meeting, I went to my dentist office for my periodontal gum graft. They numbed me up, then put a block in my mouth to keep my mouth open while they did the operation. Since I was numb, it just felt like they were flossing.

Unfortunately, they did not adequately prepare me for how painful it would be after the procedure. Beforehand, they told me I wouldn't be able to exercise for a few days, but they made it sound like a very minor thing.

They did not tell me, for instance, that I would only be able to eat very soft foods, but no berries (because of seeds). They did not tell me that I would feel like doing literally nothing the rest of the day. I drove home, and all I wanted to do was lie down. But I needed to have soft foods, and I needed to pick up my antibiotic prescription, and I needed to get a special mouth rinse. Luckily, my mom was willing to do those things for me. (They were at home because we were getting a new furnace.)

I got on my bed and didn't want to do anything. Even watching TV or listening to music sounded like too much. My gums and jaw were in pain, and I felt restless yet also wanted to do nothing. I was frustrated that the dentist office didn't prepare me ahead of time, and I was frustrated that their post-op instructions weren't entirely clear, and even my usual frustrations with life bothered me more than usual.

I took a nap, and as long as I was perfectly still, I wasn't in pain. I became swollen, so I looked like a chipmunk for a few days. 

Over the course of the week, I have gradually improved. The swelling has gone down, though I have a bruised cheek, and it has become less painful. I have graduated from very soft foods (cottage cheese, oatmeal, ice cream, refried beans) to soft foods that require chewing (cooked potatoes, bananas, peas). But I still can't have crunchy foods, and I still haven't felt like exercising. (That meant that Thursday's snowstorm didn't really impact me; I was delighted to see snow is still possible.)

***

On Tuesday, my parents left on a camping trip, and in the evening my mom tried to call me. It was then that I discovered that my phone's microphone no longer worked. You will recall that I got a new battery the Saturday before. So on Wednesday, I drove back up to Mr. Vik in Kaysville to have them look at the microphone.

They couldn't figure out the problem. So the owner gave me a new replacement phone. I didn't want a new phone—if I did, I wouldn't have bothered replacing the battery. I just hate the hassle of signing in to all the apps again, and getting the settings the way I want them, etc. So they are seeing if they can figure out the microphone issue; if they can, they'll give me my old phone back, but if not, I have a new one. It does sound less likely they'll get it fixed. 

The owner is so kind and generous to just give me a new phone. And it might be a problem with the Google Pixel, not the shop's fault, so I might go back anyway to pay for it—I don't want them to lose money, especially when they're a small, local, ethical business.

***

On Thursday, I awoke after having a dream about one of my mission companions, Elder Kitchen. In the dream, he came to church after not attending for many, many years, and everyone was excited to see him. I told him he had to sit by me, and I was going to have a conversation with him.

After I woke up, I wondered if I should try to reach out to him. In 2013, he announced on Facebook that he was gay, and soon his posts indicated he no longer participated in Church. (Balancing those things is hard enough today, but it was even rarer/harder in 2013.) By 2015, his Facebook was deactivated, if not gone altogether. I tried to see if I had an email address for him, but I didn't. And if I ever had his phone number, it would be stashed away on my old flip phone. (I know I had contacted him somehow around 2011, because he had asked if he and his friends could stay at my parents' house while I was at college. I think that's kind of weird, but he was kind of a weird guy.)

He's on the left in this picture from a mission reunion in April 2011.

I Googled him and found his family members' social media posts saying he had taken his own life around Christmas in 2023. This was quite a surprise. His mom obviously posted how sad it was, but since he was an adult, they couldn't force him to get help, and he didn't believe he was sick. She also posted that she was relieved he no longer heard the horrible voices that kept him from his family. It sounds like they didn't hear about his death until a few weeks after it happened.

I then found a Facebook account he created in 2023, and in his most recent pictures, he did not look healthy. He even linked to a blog, so of course, I had to read it.

Guys, this blog was truly bizarre.

He claimed that he had been born in Soviet Germany, but then as a young child he was kidnapped by the Mormon Church because they wanted to place gay kids in Mormon families. They placed technology in his brain that they could use to erase his memories and make him throw up. He was adopted by a loving family, but then they were murdered by their cousins, who stole their identities. The people who claimed to be his mother and siblings were not his real family. (Or something like that.)

It was just shocking to see all these absolute nutjob ideas coming from someone I know. Sure, he was a little weird and quirky, but so was I. This is the kind of insanity you expect from TV, not real life. And I'm not using "insanity" flippantly there—he was literally insane. Much of his blog had a lot of religious commentary, and it was decently written with some good ideas. It just baffles me that someone could write a fairly rational blog while having all these 100 percent irrational ideas.

I don't feel sad for myself; he had not been part of my life for a long time. We generally got along as companions, but he liked to do things to get my goat, and he criticized me over lots of dumb things: music, door approaches (his weren't any better), pajamas, deodorant. I'd call him a middling companion. 

Regardless, it is surprising to think that I will never have a chance to talk to him again. I don't know if anyone else from the mission knew until I made a Facebook post about it. (And I'm not friends with that many mission people anymore.) It is sad for someone so young to die, but the method—dying by suicide because he was legitimately crazy—is shocking.

Anyway. I have various thoughts about this. Maybe I'll say more about it sometime, but I'm not committing to do so.

minor highlights

I suppose this week's highlights aren't all that exciting.

I've been thinking recently how I've had my phone for nearly four years (in July), and it's still going strong, so I don't want a new one. But this week, I noticed that it seemed to be bulging a bit. I would rather just replace the battery than get a whole new phone. I called around to a few places (mostly chain stores), but they didn't have a Pixel 6 battery in stock. It would take a few days to get one.

But I found a local business, Mr. Vik in Kaysville, that seemed to have one in stock. So I drove up there on Thursday, but the guy in charge didn't think the bulge was a problem, since it was so small. He said I only needed to worry about it if it got bigger. 

Well, two days later, I noticed that it was indeed bigger. So I went back on Saturday, and he agreed that it was bulging. So an hour later, I had a new phone battery! It's a little thing, but I'm so pleased that I got a new battery without the cost of a new phone and the hassle of transferring everything over. And it also seems more ecofriendly to keep using something I already have.

Speaking of ecofriendly, the City of North Salt Lake hosted another event to pull myrtle spurge from Springhill Geologic Park. I go there all the time (when I only have time for a short run), and I am very concerned about invasive plants, and it's almost Earth Day, so I went, just like I did last year. While the bulk of volunteers stayed fairly close to the gathering spot, I went to a place where I knew there was a ton of spurge growing. I ended up filling three black garbage bags, and it seemed like it wasn't a dent. 

All that bright green stuff is spurge

But I did hear one of the guys in charge saying that there was a lot less than last year where they purged before. So maybe some progress is being made.

I definitely used muscles I don't usually use, and I wonder if I should spend more time pulling spurge from the Wild Rose Trail, as I have done in the past. But it is a bit of a commitment, especially since you have to wear protective clothing. Invariably I get a rash on my wrist where the sap touches my skin. What a horrible plant! But I already spend a great deal of time pulling goatheads in the summer and fall.

This week I was making my bed, and Reggie wouldn't get off. He provides no tangible benefit to my life, and yet I am so happy to have him around.

And I suppose the other noteworthy thing was running six evenings this week. April and May are wonderful months for the trails, and there are lots of wildflowers in bloom.

Smallflower woodlandstar on Wild Rose (it's hard to photograph)

arrowleaf balsamroot on Wild Rose

longleaf phlox on Wild Rose

common paintbrush above Wild Rose

tufted evening primrose, one of my favorites, at Springhill Geologic Park

Aspens are best in the fall, but they're also cool in the spring!

Yellowbells in North Canyon

North Canyon

Glacier lilies in North Canyon

Lead-Up to Easter

This will be another one of those posts where I just tell you what I did every day. I never said it would be interesting.

Back in October, I bought some new trail running shoes that happened to be Halloween colors. My Garmin app lets me track gear over time, so I input them into the app as "Halloween shoes 🎃." I'm quickly approaching four hundred miles, so I went up to Salt Lake Running Company in Centerville to get a new pair. They brought out the exact same model, even the same color, so I didn't even have to try them on. It was a quick in and out!

While I was up there, I went running on some of the Centerville trails for a change. There are lots of trails and dirt roads up there, so it's easy to get confused, and I ended up running on an ATV trail. I hate feeling like I'm somewhere I'm not supposed to be, but there weren't clear signs. I did a trail race up there back in 2017, so it was a little familiar, but still somewhat confusing.

Arrowleaf balsamroot!

On Tuesday after work, I stopped at the Other Side Thrift Boutique, where I bought a couple of nice shirts. It feels justifiable to buy "new" clothes from a thrift shop, since it's better for the environment and better for the wallet. (I still worry about closet space.) Only after I got home did I realize that one of the shirts perfectly matches a pair of socks I already had! 

I also like the 2010-era style. Back in 2010, I still somewhat felt that I wasn't allowed to wear stylish clothing

And I also made an Eastertime Trader Joe's run. Everyone loves Cadbury Mini Eggs, but I prefer the egglike Trader Joe's Candy Coated Dark Chocolate Almonds. 

glacier lilies from a Tuesday run

Our apple blossoms

In the evening, I filed my taxes. There are certainly other things I would rather do, but it's nice to have it done. 

Wednesday was a chilly day, and we realized that our furnace was out. So the rest of the week, my parents have been talking with various furnace companies to try to find a replacement. It was April Fools' Day, which isn't one of my canonized holidays, but I had to try the Crumbl everything bagel cookie, which was available for that day only. Various food companies advertise weird products for April Fools', and I was glad to see one of them actually do it for once. It was OK. 

Around Valentine's Day, I took my bike in for a tuneup, and Wednesday evening, I rode it for the first time since the tuneup. The brakes and the right shifting are a lot smoother, but the left shifting was worse, basically impossible on the uphill. That was frustrating.

And in the evening, my friend Sean invited me to a Passover dinner. I think we were careful to make sure we weren't doing an actual Jewish ritual, just having a Passover-inspired meal. (Recently, the Wayfare Slack channel had a discussion about doing Passover dinners like this; one person thought it was inappropriate, but the rest of us thought it was fine.) Sean made lamb, we had unleavened crackers and "bitter herbs" (greens), and I brought grape juice, including some of our own home-canned juice. (This winter, my dad hacked away at our grape vines, so I hope they grow back.) 

Thursday was snowy, which was refreshing! But cold, since the furnace was out. I took my bike back into the shop, and they couldn't re-create the issue on the rack (or whatever they call that thing they hang the bike on to do repairs). They made some adjustments and offered me some tips. In the evening, I swam with the swim team again.

On Friday, I biked to the top of the Summerwood neighborhood. The shifting was better that it had been on Friday, but it still wasn't ideal. It's just so frustrating that it doesn't work properly right after a tuneup. And I don't have the mechanical skills to fix it myself. But I'm always proud of myself when I can get to the top of the difficult ride. I climbed 1,000 feet in about 3 miles, for a total of 6.8 miles when you include the downhill.

On Saturday, we received our Easter baskets, and I'm glad my mom still gives us Easter candy even though there are no kids around anymore. 

And we also colored eggs. Back in 2010, my BYU FHE group introduced me to using colored crayons on eggs. (Before that, we only ever used the clear crayons that come with the dye kits.) And I really love being creative with crayons and dye. 

These are the five I colored.

Saturday evening, I had a mission reunion with my first mission president. I haven't had one with him since 2018, and I haven't been to one at all since 2019. Two of my companions were there, and there were some other missionaries I served around. I feel a little bad about people I've unfriended on Facebook over the years, but it feels weird to be friends with people you barely know.

I have complicated feelings about my mission, and missions in general, these days. I'm glad to see the Church placing a greater emphasis on service missions. I especially think tracting is dumb; even as a missionary, I called it "eating shirts," because it felt as futile as trying to eat a shirt. But it was an experience that helped me grow in so many important ways. (Except physically—I shrank instead!)

They had scrapbooks with all our transfer board pictures. This is mine!

One of the guys I talked to was embarrassed as he remembered what a weird kid he was. And I, myself, was weirder than most. But I pointed out that if we didn't look back and think we were weird, then it would mean we haven't been progressing since then—so it's a good thing we think we were weird. But I was seriously so, so disproportionately weird.

After the reunion, I stopped at the always quirky Brooker's Founding Flavors, where I had their carrot cake ice cream. 

Speaking of carrot cake, I made a chocolate carrot cake for our family Easter lunch. I made it last year after I had a dream about chocolate carrot cookies, and I loved it so much I wanted to make it again. I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out. 

My sister's cherry tree

It's been a decent Easter. I'm sad it's not as late as last year (April 20)—but next year it will be on March 28, which makes me sad. In 2038, it will be April 25, which is the latest it can ever be. That's a long time from now, and yet I remember 2014 Eastertime pretty well.

Out like a lamb

I can't say I have anything that interesting or profound to say this week, so if you're looking for a grand update, you'll be disappointed.

On Monday I had to go to the dentist for the periodontist to look at my gums. I'm going to have a gum graft in two weeks, and I'm so annoyed that my insurance only pays a small percentage of it. Why do we even pay insurance!? I'm glad I'm in a space where I can pay thousands of dollars and don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from.

The periodontist said periodontal disease can be caused from overbrushing, but it can also be a result of braces. So it's good to know it's not because of a moral failing on my part. 

On Tuesday, I believe I saw the first wildflowers of the season, glacier lilies and yellowbells. These predictably show up every year in late March and early April. 

Three years ago, I bought Peeps protein powder (both marshmallow and chocolate marshmallow), because I think it's funny. But I still have it three years later because it is absolutely terrible. I don't think it's the Peeps flavoring, it's the protein powder itself. Sometimes I've incorporated it into the topping of cherry crisp, because it's entirely unpleasant on its own.

On Wednesday, I received my new CD of the soundtracks for It's Arbor Day, Charlie Brown and Charlie Brown's All Stars! Since 2022, they've been releasing complete recordings of these soundtracks ever since they found the originals. But they haven't found the original for All Stars, so it's only eight minutes long—hence tagging it along with Arbor Day. I have wanted this soundtrack for years, because what else are you going to listen to on Arbor Day (besides this song)? And I've always enjoyed the special, because it's an obscure holiday, but it's also an entertaining special with some good jokes and gags.

I did some math and realized that the CD arrived exactly twenty-one years to the day after I first watched It's Arbor Day, Charlie Brown, which I got in my Easter basket on Good Friday (as a bonus feature on It's the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown). And that was the same day that my niece (twenty months old at the time) came into my bedroom with my nephew's toy with a picture of a dog on it, and she said "Woof!" for the first time.

On Thursday, I woke up early, which gave me lots of time in the evening for a 7.5-mile run on the Bonneville Shoreline Trail between Summerwood and Woodbriar. The last time I did this stretch of the trail was in September 2021, because it's really kind of boring. Most of it is level, and it all looks the same. And at this time of year, it's mostly brown, with a few wildflowers here and there.

It annoys me that this sticker has Delicate Arch on the wrong side of the state

The first arrowleaf balsamroot of the season! I've never seen it blooming in March.

Then on Saturday afternoon, I ran up North Canyon to Rudy's Flat. Last week it was too snowy still, but this time there were only a few snowy patches. I had never been there in March before, and it was so sad and concerning to see the lack of snow. On the way down, I went on the new Mahogany Ridge Trail, which made it nine miles total, but I had to walk the last two. The last time I made it to Rudy's Flat was on Boxing Day.

At the end of my run, I was astonished to find salt deposits on my hat! (From the sweat.)

Today I sang in my ward choir for our Palm Sunday / Easter service. Our choir director has grand ambitions that I think are a little unrealistic for our little choir, but I think it went fine. I really like efforts to make Easter more like Christmas. At Christmas, the secular songs and the Nativity songs are firmly entertwined with each other, and all the songs together make it feel nice and Christmassy. I do the same thing with Easter, mixing the secular and sacred. And I've been listening to the Easter songs long enough that they have a similar effect. But there aren't as many Easter songs. 

Yeah, I don't know what else to say. Have a good week!