The online persona

I have been thinking this week about the perceptions that people might have about me on the internet versus what my life is actually like.

On Monday, I received my sample of Zombie Skittles to review. I had been looking at various stores to review them, but then the editor of The Impulsive Buy emailed me, asking if I wanted to review them, because Mars had just sent him some samples. So he sent one to me and I reviewed it.

I don't know what the readership of that blog is, but it is a little unnerving to me that (presumably) thousands of people across the nation are reading what I write. Once my reviews are published, I can't read them anymore, because I'm too embarrassed—is that too personal? Does that joke work? Is my writing stilted? Are my pictures good enough?

And I wonder if people think I'm a professional reviewer, when really I'm just an average guy doing it for fun.

I don't have a Twitter account, but sometimes I look at other accounts, because there can be funny or interesting stuff on it. Yesterday, I was randomly looking at Twitter, which led me to a Deseret News article (interesting it's just Deseret.com now). And then, at the top of a list of related stories, there just happened to be a review of my own book! I'm more eager for a review from a scholar, but this is a nice start.

But the review erroneously says I work for the Church History Department. I can understand why the reviewer thought that, since I wrote my bio to be vague. They surely didn't know that my career has in fact taken a step backwards instead of forwards. I can only hope that I will once again get a job as good as that one was. I have a bit of impostor syndrome when it comes to these books I have published. I suppose the reviewer thinks I'm a professional academic. I like to fancy myself as an academic, but really I feel like I'm not.

As I share these accomplishments on social media, I suppose some people think I'm something of a magnificent person, a published author and regular contributor to a national food blog. But really I think of myself as an ordinary person who hates doing housework and lives with his parents.

There is a tendency to compare ourselves with others on social media, as social media is where we share the highlights of our lives. I suppose this blog also emphasizes the positive things in my life, while overlooking the mundane and even negative.

So, if you are feeling like your life is somehow inferior to mine, I want to assure you that I have struggles and challenges too. I'm a deeply insecure person; I remember every dumb thing I ever did in life; I'm socially awkward; I overthink everything; I'm very good at convincing myself that people don't like me.

To be sure, I have had some tremendous blessings and accomplishments in my life. But my life is far from perfect.